Saturday, April 25, 2015

2 Weeks

Finals are over in 2 weeks.  I have five tests and five full clinical days (and the packets of paperwork to go with them) between now and then, but there is an end in sight, and then its summer.  I'll probably have to work a little bit, but mostly I'm going to try to spend as much time as possible playing in the yard, swimming at the pool, climbing around the park, hiking around town, and visiting mountains and ghost towns.  The kids have earned it.

I hate being busy.  I love being anxiously engaged, but I hate being busy.  I figured out very early in the marriage-and-motherhood life that if I say yes to something, that means that the whole family says yes to it.  So, I've always been very dedicated to being a wife, being a mom, and fulfilling whatever calling(s) I may have.  Everything else was negotiable.

So the 35 hours a week away from home and kids (before we even get to homework and studying) has been a challenge for everybody.  My middle children are definitely feeling like middle children lately, my oldest sometimes feels put upon because she's expected to step up a lot, and my delightful, easy, independent baby has a harder time going to school with each passing week.  I enjoy school and I'm doing well, and I'm grateful to be able to do it (and even more grateful that I have the incredible support system I have to make it possible to do), but I'd be lying if I said there weren't days when I wanted to quit, just so I could spend more time not just with them, but actually focused on them.  Doug has been working a lot of 50+ hour weeks the last few months.  God bless him.  Its hard to put in that much time at a job that you love, much less at one you tolerate well enough.  But he loves us, so he's there every day.

I know this is the norm for a lot of families, which makes me grateful that we were able to make the one-parent-at-home-full-time thing work for so long.  Hopefully we can get back close to it within a few years.

In the mean time, we're really looking forward to our trip to California.  Its been 3 1/2 year since the younger three kids and I have been there.  Two years since Keilana and Doug were.  Its been 3 1/2 years since we've seen Grandpa Barnes, or any of our amazing California friends.  Its been almost 3 years since I've been in the same room with Amanda.  That's insane.

I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head, and a lot of things about the kids I'd like to share.  You might have forgotten since its been so long since I wrote anything about them, but they are totally and completely awesome.  So I promise that in a couple of weeks I will do better than my once-every-other-month posting record.  Maybe just for the summer.  I might disappear again in September.  But I promise to be here for the summer.  And for me, summer starts in 2 weeks.  It'll be good to be back.

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