Focus

Ok, so I know I made that whole "back to the nitty gritty" statement and then my blog went right back to mostly nonsense.  Just after that, I got derailed rather badly.  I've been trying to get back on track.  Sometimes you think you see something coming, but then it zooms in at you from a strange angle and conks you in the head.  I got the wind knocked out of me, causing me to feel disconnected from everyone in my life.  I kept wanting to be social, to talk to people, and then as soon as I was around anyone I didn't have anything to say.  I hate being reminded that I am almost a part of two wonderful groups of people, and yet still distinctly an outsider in both.  I shouldn't be bitter about that--I should be grateful that the Lord has given me both.  But I'm getting my head back on straight now, and so I return to writing.  It is at once both my escape from and connection to people.

Yesterday I was reminded once again of just how blessed I am--how much the Lord loves me and has taken care of me--how easy my life really is in the grand scheme of things.  So I will commence in the activity I always return to that helps me focus and think straight again.  Yet another list of blessings (its been a while this time):

*Keilana's maniacal-so-contagious-and-hilarious-that-we-should-patent-it laugh.

*Doug's haircut

*Sugar cookies (and short people to make sugar cookies with)

*Relative financial stability

*tulips

*That Dylan is hardly ever just Dylan--"I tiger!" "I monster!" "I puppy!" "I bear!" "I car!" "I Paco!"

*for my Snugli

*for babies who liked to be held as much as I like to hold them

*Dylan's utter confidence. . .he just knows he's cool

*my husband's I-know-I'm-being-annoying-and-you-still-love-me-or-maybe-love-me-more-for-it smirk

*sunrises over mountain rises

*sunsets over the ocean

*decent pens and new, unspoiled notebooks

*old journals, filled edge to edge with writing and worn with much love

*my testimony

*the noise of children playing happily--laughing, yelling, stomping, jumping, running

*the silence of nap/bedtime

*good advice from people who love me

*enough restraint to usually hold my tongue when I'd much rather tell someone off or set them straight

*my mother-in-law---the longer I am married, the more convinced I am that the Lord led me to Doug not just because He knew what a great match we'd be, but also because He knew I'd get Katy as part of the deal

*Chuck's goofy, wonderful laugh, and the fact that he finds frequent occasion to use it

*My sister-in-law Christina.  How many in-laws have the ability to make you feel more at home in your own family?  She's a very unique chica, with her social grace and love of people

*My Grandma, and her wonderful example to me of simple faith and loving better even those who are most critical of you, most unable to forgive your past faults.

*Everything I have learned from Doug's family, and the fact that they still love me even though they have seen less of the best of me and more of the worst of me than just about anyone else in my life

*Keilana's maniacal dancing

*Keilana's maniacal trike riding skills!

*Keilana's maniacal energy level.

*Dylan's disarming charm

*Kylie's gentle demeanor and easily contented personality.

*Seeing Kylie smile and giggle at me, or better yet watching her and her daddy smile at each other.

*watching Keilana and Daddy give each other "nose love"

*a husband who thinks like I do, about the same kinds of things I do, often understanding things in much the same way I do, so I rarely ever feel lonely or misunderstood.

*the sight of all three of my kids smiling--when they play together and make each other laugh.  Nothing makes my heart as light as seeing my kids make each other happy.  There is nothing I can imagine that could possibly be better than that.

I could keep going, but this list is for me, and I imagine that you're tired of reading.  I have been blessed beyond my ability to receive.