Turtles

[Just in case any one is wondering whether or not to call LDS family services and ask about a psychologist, that last post was not in reference to myself.  A loved one is going through a particularly lonesome time in life, and I was just expressing how hard Aloneness is.  All good with me.]

So I have this whole turtle thing.  I have an affinity for turtles, and have for a long time.  Lots of people have asked me about why.  Usually its something along the line of "Turtles?  Really?  I mean, like, horses or dogs or something I get, but turtles?"   Yes, turtles.  There are several reasons I like turtles.

First, and most obvious, the whole shell thing.  Turtles are quite soft and squishy and tender, really (it is my understanding that turtle meat tastes quite a bit like--you guessed it--chicken, albeit slightly fishy).  They carry that big ol' shell around for protection, and whip back up into it at the first sign of danger or trouble.  I am, in all honesty, a very emotional, sensitive and tenderhearted creature (if you have known me primarily through my blog, or from the age of  22 on, feel free to insert a giant "Duh!" here).  But I developed for myself quite a thick shell of detachment, sarcasm and silence.  And when there is the slightest whiff of emotional trouble or  emotional exposure, my first instinct is to immediately withdraw all exposed parts right back into that nice, safe shell.  I've worked pretty hard not to do that quite as often or as quickly, but I see a kindred spirit in the turtle in that respect.

Secondly, the turtle is often used as a sign of patience and persistence.  I struggle with these things in some respect, but those have frequently been my two strong points, personally as well as in my relationships with others.  My husband would be the first to say, I think, that a big part of the reason that our marriage works as well as it does is that generally I am quite patient with him and with the kids.  And I am actually often better at meeting long term goals than short term ones.  I do get frustrated and discouraged with feeling like I'm slow and plodding if I'm looking a few weeks or small tasks into the future, but when I keep the big picture in mind, with the end goal miles away down the road, I am pretty good at staying consistent and determined.

And lastly, and probably most importantly, have you ever watched a sea turtle (or even a little painted turtle) swim?  On land, turtles are very slow, awkward and lumbering creatures.  They look a little ridiculous.  But get them in the water and suddenly they are swift, agile, even graceful.  When you put them in their element, that which they were designed for, they practically become different animals.

There are so many ways and places in life in which I feel awkward.  I get frustrated and feel slow and clumsy.  But the Lord has given me a few wonderful gifts, and when I am using those gifts appropriately I sometimes catch a glimpse of my best self, the beautiful creature my Father designed me to be, and I am supremely grateful for that which He has given me.  Many of those gifts I didn't realize I even had, or that they were as strong as they are, until I was 18 or 20 years old.  I pray now that I will develop them as I ought and be worthy of them.  For its in those things that I feel the most alive and the most helpful to those around me.