Most of the time, I do just fine with the fact that I live 1300 miles from home, from the rest of my family. I miss Montana, and often long for the beauty, familiarity and freedom of that place. I miss my mom and dad and brothers and sisters. Its been more than half a dozen years since I lived there, though, and I've adjusted. I don't spend my time longing needlessly for a place and situation I can't have right now. But every now and then I have a moment. My sister posted this picture a couple days ago:
These are the 2004 cousins. The year Keilana was born, every one of my siblings also had a baby, all between May and October. This year, the other four are all playing soccer together as kindergarteners. My Keilana is the only one not there. Being so far away from my family is always made harder by the fact that I'm the only one not there. Even more so by the fact that my kids are the only cousins not around. When I see pictures like this, that's when I have the twisted-stomach moment. It makes me feel like a little kid on Christmas morning who wakes up and realizes that Santa has brought everyone a present except you. I feel like the forgotten child. I almost want to cry, wishing my kids had this with all those cousins around to play with (17 all living within a few miles of one another--with another arriving shortly). Wishing my children could have the Montana childhood I had.But then I lock those feelings away in that little box in my mind where I trap such things, put a smile on my face and try to remember how deeply grateful I am for the life I have right here.
1 comment:
I don't have quite as many nieces and nephews, but I know exactly how you feel. I love my life here. I love the life we have made with our little boy in the hot place. However, there is a longing to be with my family. I hate missing out on so much due to the distance. However, with the distance, I also have a deeper appreciation for the importance of family and I never take a minute for granted with them.
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