. . .and worse ones.
I didn't get done everything I meant to.
That means I'm waking up to a semi-messy house,
just the thought of that makes me grumpy.
I wasn't my best self today,
probably mostly because I'm not sleeping well,
probably because halfway through the night,
I have several children in my bed.
Or maybe because I feel like
I'm never getting done all I mean to do.
I'm running, but still behind.
Feel like I'm trying so hard,
and yet never much closer
to that person that I want to be.
I don't care for self-pity,
I'm not a big fan of needy,
and I try to avoid them both.
But there are those moments
when an attempt at prayer
just turns into incomprehensible crying
and I can't decide if that's very sincere
or just miserably pathetic.
It seems like it'd just be best
to declare, "I suck at everything"
and slip into the deep slumber
of the not-trying-anymore types,
comforted in my self-loathing
by my own self-pity
(Because, really, who tries this hard,
very consciously, every day,
and makes this little progress?)
But alas, that's not the right course.
So I'll lay down,
try my best to sleep
(though I'm not making any promises)
and start fresh tomorrow.
I think I need some positive reinforcement.
And a vacation.
And a nap.
Definitely a nap.