Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I've had better days. . .

. . .and worse ones.
I didn't get done everything I meant to.
That means I'm waking up to a semi-messy house,
just the thought of that makes me grumpy.
I wasn't my best self today,
probably mostly because I'm not sleeping well,
probably because halfway through the night,
I have several children in my bed.
Or maybe because I feel like 
I'm never getting done all I mean to do.
I'm running, but still behind.
Feel like I'm trying so hard,
and yet never much closer 
to that person that I want to be.

I don't care for self-pity,
I'm not a big fan of needy, 
and I try to avoid them both.

But there are those moments
when an attempt at prayer 
just turns into incomprehensible crying
and I can't decide if that's very sincere
or just miserably pathetic.

It seems like it'd just be best
to declare, "I suck at everything"
and slip into the deep slumber
of the not-trying-anymore types,
comforted in my self-loathing 
by my own self-pity
(Because, really, who tries this hard,
very consciously, every day,
and makes this little progress?)
But alas, that's not the right course.
So I'll lay down,
try my best to sleep 
(though I'm not making any promises)
and start fresh tomorrow.

I think I need some positive reinforcement.
And a vacation.
And a nap.
Definitely a nap.


Sam and Kurtis said...

I think yesterday was just ment to be a bad day all around. We had a bad day too. Someone is trying to sue us for a car accitend that happened 4 years ago yeah fun. Anyway just remember today is a new day and i'm further today than i was yesterday.

Nate and Annah Butterfield said...

I completely understand the feeling. And just last week I had the same desire to just say "I suck at everything", crawl in a hole and stay there for a very long time. I don't understand how I can try so hard, work so hard, and still get nowhere. I've felt like that for most of the last month. Some days are better than others, and it's getting better overall, but it stinks big time! I'm sure one day soon we'll both wake up and all our efforts will be rewarded. That's the best part of the gospel. There is always hope and we always have our Heavenly Father there for us with our best interests in mind. You can do it!! We can both do it!! (Especially with the help of a nap.)