So lucky, so blessed

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who's having a particularly hard time in life right now.  After we talked for a couple of hours, she thanked me and said, "I knew I'd feel better if I could just talk to you; I knew you'd understand."  I was grateful for the trust and confidence she had in me--very few things bring me as much satisfaction and happiness as being able to meet another's emotional needs--but I'm not sure I do understand.  I have enough intellectual and emotional wherewithal to empathize on a somewhat intellectual level, but I'm not sure that means that I truly understand emotionally what it is she's going through.  I have experienced some of the same feelings and challenges, but at a much different age and stage of life, and that makes a big difference.

The fact is, I think my life is pretty easy.  Doug and I were talking the other night and I got off on this tangent about how I think I used to be nicer.  I used to, as my Grandma was fond of saying, "attract a lot of stray puppies".   My closer friends certainly didn't always understand why I put the time and energy into some of the people that I did.  I had lots of friends and acquaintances who called me "Sunshine" and one friend--my relationship with whom made no sense to anyone who knew both of us because our opinions and beliefs on pretty much everything were 180* apart--used to frequently tell me that I would "glow".  He somewhat begrudgingly admitted that that was a compliment.  At the time, that seemed odd to me because that was a point in my life that I viewed as rather difficult, but the more I thought about it, the more that made sense.  I struggled a lot and was challenged a lot, and so I had to rely very much on the Lord and made a great effort to do so--to pray consistently, to listen to the Spirit for answers and comfort, to do all the things I should always be doing but often fail to.  I had to either try harder or quit, so I tried harder.

Trials and challenges and heartaches have not been absent from my life the last five years.  In fact, many of the same ones I had 6 or 8 years ago are still very much a part of my reality.  But they are not the same kind of challenge they used to be.  Part of it is just growing up and maturing and learning how to handle disappointments and set backs and a broken heart, but much more of it is my marriage.  Having a successful and rewarding intimate relationship that is happy, balanced, consistent and reliable makes all my problems or trials in life seem much smaller.  Even when difficulties abound, it is relatively easy to be happy when I have someone in my life to love deeply and who loves me deeply, where there is mutual trust and respect.  Consequently, I don't have to be as consistent in all those other hugely important things in order to be happy and content, so I'm probably not as nice as I once was.  I don't think I'm as patient as I used to be.  

I'm spoiled.  This is simply a fact I have to accept about myself.  Sure, we live paycheck to paycheck and when we do anything fun its usually  because work is picking up the tab, but we do get to do all those fun things just the same.  My kids are busy, but relatively easy children.   I have a nice, air conditioned (thank goodness) home.  I have great friends.  When something does go wrong in life, I have a tremendous support system I can rely on, something many people don't have.  When the choice was sink or swim, of course I swam--who wouldn't?  But when the choice is swim or lounge on a float, I have a tendency to pick the latter, I'm afraid.  

Being blessed is not an excuse to be lazy--or lazier than I otherwise would be, anyway.  I express gratitude to my family and friends often, but I am probably not as diligent in thanking the Lord as I ought to be.  One of my favorite people at BYUH was Brother Kongaika, the president of student life at the university and a man I like to refer to as "the Tongan Santa Claus"--he had a great round belly and a huge, friendly smile that rarely left his face.  One afternoon, a group of about a half a dozen of us were working at the Stake Welfare Farm and he started joking about wards serving a free lunch after service projects.  "We work all day and lunch is 'free'!" he laughed.  Then he continued, "But that's how it is, really, right?  We work day in and day out but could never earn our reward.  We work all day, but in the end salvation is free.  The air we breathe is a gift."   

That is one of my fondest memories, because in a place like BYU-Hawaii where you are so busy and the Spirit dwells so frequently, it is becomes easy to take it for granted.  To take for granted that amongst 2300 students, more than 60 different countries and cultures are represented, and yet all those individuals live together peacefully, with love and respect for each other, genuine friendships.  It became easy to take for granted that I could see the temple from the front door of my apartment and walk there in literally less than two minutes.  To take for granted that if I needed bus fare to get to a doctor's appointment or we were out of food, even if we were broke that need would be met.  I was grateful for Brother Kongaika's reminder, because moments earlier I had only been weeding a taro patch and salivating over the ripe mangos hanging in front of me, but as soon as he said it, I was doing something much more important--I was serving the Lord, trying to give back at best a penny to a debt I never can repay.  And because of his reminder, I did so with a grateful heart.  I was about six months pregnant with Keilana at that point, so a few years have passed now, and when I stopped to think about it, I marvel at how blessed we have been. And I am grateful.