Sometimes you just wanna break!

I cannot emphasize enough how excited I am to be going to Lake Tahoe in a couple of weeks.  Of course, it could be a hotel room in Fresno or a tent in the woods for all I care, so long as I get away from my life for a few days. 

My kids are making me nuts.  I don't know how those homesteader women survived--out there all alone day after day, with their children every waking and sleeping moment and no adults to talk to.  I tell ya, its no wonder that beating children was more common back then! ;) J/K (mostly, anyway).  If I ignore Keilana for a mere five minutes (to, oh, let's say write a blog), she has a melt down.  So its been rather difficult to get just basic household chores done, since I hate some of them anyway and listening to an almost-four-year-old scream the whole  time makes them so much more unpleasant.  Dylan has learned four or five new words in the last couple of days, so he finally seems to be picking up language quickly now, and yet he has taken to grunting constantly, "Uh, uh, uh, uh" and pointing all day long.  Its so annoying!!!  

Yesterday, he refused to take a nap.  Then last night at about six, while I was trying to eat my dinner, he grabbed a blanket, crawled up on my lap and fell asleep in about two minutes.  He didn't seem much interested in waking up, so I made the mistake of just letting him go to bed.  He rose bright eyed and bushy tailed at 3am.  He allowed me to get away with putting in Bob the Builder and then Cars, rather than play with him, but he would get mad and scream if I went upstairs.  So I got very little sleep--especially since until 3am, Keilana was in our bed.  

She has been getting in our bed every single night for the last several months.  She's also started insisting that she have the door open and the hallway light on when she's in her own bedroom.  This wouldn't be such a big deal, except she is and has always been a very busy and restless sleeper.  She moves constantly, wakes up a lot and tries to sleep sideways (and she's getting tall enough--45" and counting!--that even in a king sized bed that's becoming a problem).

So its been weeks since I've had a decent, uninterrupted night of sleep.  Of course, again that wouldn't be so bad except that napping is nearly impossible (at the very least dangerous)  with my oldest monkey unsupervised in the house while I sleep.  That wouldn't even be so bad, as I've had times in my life where I have been far more sleep-deprived (for example, nearly all of high school), but I'm afraid that I'm to that point where I'm so sleepy that if I close my eyes I get dizzy.  But I've discovered I kinda like that feeling--all floaty and weightless.  Makes me empathize a bit more with people who like to get high.  I'm always worried that if I do it too long I will pass out and fall over on the floor, though.  

If I had nothing to do but tend to my currently overly-ignored children, this would all be quite tolerable and non-problematic.  Unfortunately, my husband is gone all the time, I have a job, a fairly major calling I need to stay on top of, and I really ought to get my visiting teaching done soon (since I have 3 inactive sisters and one who also has a husband who's often MIA and four children, one of them a very-high demand autistic daughter, getting it done is a little important).

And its not just kids.  I've been sick a lot lately, making the fatigue and sleepiness that much more annoying, being interspersed with frequent headaches.  That makes everything else seem much more taxing that it should.  And sometimes the people we love just make us a little nuts and we need a break from them.  I am so grateful that I will have four days away from everything, where I won't really have to think about my calling, my kids, my friends, my job, Doug's job, his calling, either of our families (we love them, I think we'd just prefer not to talk about them for a while) and all of the 9,000 other things it feels like we're juggling right now.  Actually, one day would probably due, but I'll take four!  I know I'm a little spoiled, but I've decided I'm okay with that.

Curls and Mother's Day

So here's my little princess all ringlets and pinks.  This was taken before I got her ringlets all twirled right so that they were all going the same direction, but you get the idea.  She thought it was beautiful.

Mother's Day is always a day that reminds me how blessed I am.  I've had a life filled with strong, wonderful women and now have beautiful children of my own.

I am grateful for my own mother.  Whatever her faults as a mother or a person, I think I can safely say that none of her children has ever truly doubted that they were deeply loved and cherished by her, or felt that they weren't a top priority in her life.  She is so energetic and hard-working, which I so admire.  As a mother, I appreciate now more than I ever did before her patience for and devotion to her children.   I am grateful that I inherited her goofy sense of fun, her love of children and her down-to-earth attitude.  Many of the things I love most about myself are a direct result or a reflection of the mother that she has been to me, and I can't ever thank her enough for that.  And when her children grew up and didn't need as much mothering, she transitioned wonderfully into one of the world's greatest grandmas.  She loved me enough to have expectations.  She loved me enough to let me bear the consequences of my own actions.  She loved me enough to say, "No" sometimes, but to always say "yes" if she possibly could.  She gave me both boundaries and options--a difficult balance to reach as a parent.

I'm grateful for a wonderful mother-in-law, who loved me almost instantly (despite only meeting me a few weeks before my wedding) and has always treated me as one of her own (actually, "her own" would say she's always treated me better than them;)  ).   She has been a wonderful support to my husband and I throughout our marriage and been a great grandma to our kids.  It sometimes seems to me that she's been asked to endure more than her fair share of trials in life, but has always amazed me with her devotion to the Lord.  She has been a tremendous example to me of righteous perseverance even--no, especially--in the face of adversity.  I consider her not only family, but one of my friends and love having the opportunity to just sit and chat with her sometimes.  She's a great person.

And who doesn't know what love and respect I have for my grandmothers?  Grandma Gilbert was one of my closest friends, and I miss her terribly.  She was so much fun with her continual hunt for a great bargain in life, always with a pocket full of candy at the ready.  She was an adventurous spirit when I knew her, always up for a trip or a new experience.  A wonderfully service-oriented woman, she was always taking care of someone--whether it was one of  her numerous grandchildren, or the 90-year-old neighbor that she called "Grandma".  At the family viewing the week she passed, I think the officiating bishopric member put it best:  "I'm sure as soon as she got up there, she walked right up to the Lord and said, 'Alright, I'm here, put me to work!'".  Even in her old age she was rarely idle if she could help it, even if all she was keeping herself busy with was watering her petunias and checking in on her grandkids.  She loved people, and I will forever be grateful of the incredible example and driving force that she was for me in my youth.  As a child and adolescent, I lived with a constant, nagging paranoia that sooner or later, everyone in my life would get sick of me and not want me around anymore.  But not with Grandma. I always felt completely and utterly safe and confident in her presence.   Unbeknownst to many besides she and I, she was often the one who gave me the confidence I needed to succeed in life--whether it was at school, in sports, as a young mother.  She always believed in me, so I did, too.

And I must give a few words of praise to my Grandma Umphrey, as well.  I didn't have the opportunity to spend as much time with her as my older brothers and sisters did, but the time I spent with her certainly has left its mark on me.  Some of my earliest musical memories are of her singing hymns when I'd visit her house, or playing the fiddle with Grandpa Vic.  I have always had a special love for violin music, largely because of her talent.  I say a silent prayer of thanks for her every time I make popcorn balls with my kids because it reminds me of a grandmother who did her best to spoil her grandkids with the little she had.  What I love most about my Grandma Elda, though, is something I didn't entirely appreciate until I grew up.  She has made a lot of mistakes in life, non of which she denies.  Her personal flaws are the stuff of family legend (or at least my dad's silly jokes).  But she has a faith that is simple and pure.  No matter how many times she slips, she stands up, dusts herself off and pushes ahead.  And just in my short life, I have seen many of the results of that, of the personal progress she has made and I admire it so much.  My sweetest memory of her is from just a little over a week after my 19th birthday.  I went to the temple to receive my Endowment, she stood at my side and served as my escort, and her presence in the Celestial room at that moment was every bit as important to me as was my fiance's.  The beauty of that memory will never fade, and my gratitude for that act of service is inexpressible, so I will do you all a favor and not try.

And, lastly, I am supernally grateful to be a mother myself.  When my children are sad or hurt, and I can make them feel better with a hug and kiss or a lullaby in my arms, there is something about that magic of mothering that is healing to me as well as them.  My greatest blessing is my marriage, and they are the crowning jewels of that blessing.  I love to hear them laugh--especially with each other.  I love watching them kneel down next to each for our nightly family prayers in their little zippered pajamas and their strawberry blonde mop tops--there is hardly a more precious sight in the world.  Motherhood is always demanding, often exhausting and occasionally exasperating, but I can't think of anything more rewarding, more filled with smiles and giggles and genuine joy.  I am grateful for the blessing of being a mother.

Curler Head Keilana

I love to get Keilana all dolled up on Sundays, but since I've been working many a Saturday night lately, and often have an early meeting Sunday morning, Daddy has been in charge of grooming most of the time, which means very little "dolling" is happening.  So, since we were home at a decent hour today and I have no meetings in the morning (I decided even if the Bishop scheduled one I wasn't going to go, but bless his heart he knows better than to do that to us on Mother's Day), it was a good Sunday for curls.  This is my smiley girl just before bed.  Hopefully I'll remember to get pictures of her tomorrow before her curls go flat.  Stay tuned. . . .

a night full of talking

that hurts. my worst held back secrets. everything has to do with loving and not loving. this night will pass. then we have work to do.  ~rumi

I have a love-hate relationship with conversations about difficult subjects.  I know that they can be productive and healthy.  On the other hand, every emotion but happiness annoys me.  I think I'll go back to ignoring the rest of them.

Hanging out at the park

I was taking some pictures of Keilana today, and she said, "Mommy, we need a picture of both of us, of me and of you."  So I snapped one for her.  I love pig tails in her hair.  They look so cute with her little round face and pretty blue eyes.

Home again, home again!!

The kids and I are taking a trip to MT.  We're very excited (especially Keilana) to see Yaya and Papa and all the cousins.  Keilana told me her best friend Maysa will be there and she'll get to see Israel and "Red Grandma".  I'm sure that Dylan's excited, too, but as I've already mentioned, its harder to tell from what he says.

We are flying home on June 15th.  Hopefully, we will be there for a surprise birthday party/family reunion for my Grandma Umphrey (or Joy, I guess).  Her 80th birthday is in September, but apparently it was a lot easier for my aunt's family to come up in June since they were already going to be in Idaho for the Iron Man (yes, they are those crazy people who swim 2.4 miles, then bike 112 miles and then run a marathon).  So hopefully it will be an Umphrey event.

Bless my dear, patient mother for trying to plan something nice for her mother-in-law, despite hitting a lot of snags and hurdles along the way (including me stalking her about final plans so I didn't miss the opportunity to purchase affordable plane tickets for my tots and I).  That's a lot of people's schedules to try to plan around and its been pretty tricky, but she's been great about all of it.

Even if it all falls apart and the family reunion doesn't happen, I figure the worst case scenario is that I get to take a two week trip home (which includes my birthday--which I haven't spent in MT since I was 19), see my whole family and my grandma and be gone during the McDermont grand opening.  So I'll miss all the hectic, crazy busyness and stress of those two weeks when I probably wouldn't see my husband even if I was here.  

So hopefully I'll see some ya'll in MT!!

Dylan the sly talker.

Dylan still doesn't talk much.  His most clear and consistent words and phrases are "No" "yeah", "mine" and "I donwanna".  Figures.   

But I never hear him attempt to say words.  He just speaks his Dylanese constantly, then all of a sudden a word I've never heard even pieces of before comes out, clear as a bell.  I'm starting to think that the reason he isn't talking is that he doesn't want to say anything until he can say it perfectly.  

He had his second birthday 2 1/2 months ago now, and here is a list of all the words he can say:

Mama

Nana (Keilana)

Yaya

Hi

Bye

Wuv oo (love you)

I donwanna

No 

Yeah

Please

I do

Mine

Car

Baby

Kitty

Doggy

Popcorn (or an approximation of that, anyway)

Pizza

My turn

Go

Huh?

Moo

cocoa

That's it.  I'm still getting used to his lack of language, as Keilana was regularly speaking to me in three and four word understandable sentences by this age.  

"Doggy" was new today.  We were at the park and when we loaded up in the stroller to come home, we passed a woman and her seriously obese chihuahua (seriously, that thing must've weighed as much as Dylan), and he just pointed and squealed, "Doggy!" clear as day.  He's never said anything even close to Doggy before.  All his new words just "appear" like that.  

In the meantime, he speaks to me in fluent Dylanese, complete with oddly mature mannerisms, tones, inflections, etc.  He does sound very much like he's just speaking a foreign language we don't understand, rather than like he's babbling.  Sometimes, however,  he will get quite upset when he says something that is obviously a question and I don't know what the answer is.  

Doug keeps telling me Einstein didn't talk til he was 3, but even if Dylan's smart, he's no Einstein.  Of course, he does seem to see the world a little differently than the rest of us do--I wouldn't be surprised if he were a little bit of an alternative thinker.  I just wish he'd talk to me like a normal little human being!