Thursday, December 22, 2011

White Christmas

Keilana's favorite Christmas movie is White Christmas. She wakes up at about 6-6:30 every morning, regardless of when she went to bed, and school doesn't start until 8:20 (and we only have to leave about five minutes before that, because we live about a quarter mile from the school) so she watches it almost every morning.

We had a big snow storm about a week after we got here. Then it warmed up and has been snow-less and fall or spring-like for a month. It was starting to look like we would have a greenish brown Christmas. Then in the middle of the night Tuesday night, it started to snow. And kept snowing, for most of the day yesterday. There's several inches of beautiful and, as Dylan put it, "sparkly snow". This morning on the way to the car, he exclaimed, "There's snow everywhere! We'll have a white Christmas after all!!" I'm glad that their first Christmas in Montana is a snowy one.

In the mean time, we are settling in well. Still looking for a job. Sort of trying not to panic on that front, but everything else is going well. Starting to formulate a long-term plan if we can figure out how to get through the short-term. And I will start blogging again soon--its been a busy couple of weeks. We're having a homemade Christmas this year, so I've made three stick horses, two skirts, two purses, three superhero capes, a bow tie, a neck tie, four poinsettia hair pins, three pairs of soft-soled baby shoes/slippers and that's eaten up pretty much all of my time that isn't occupied by baby-wrangling and toddler-chasing.

In case I don't see you again, merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Christmas talk

So. . .moving into a small ward generally means that you're not off the hook for long. Doug and I spoke in Sacrament this past Sunday. Following is more or less the text of my talk.


When we were asked to speak last week, no topics were provided for us. I was tempted to recycle the talk I gave in our last ward just before we moved, but then as we were watching the Christmas devotional last Sunday, something President Uchtdorf said got my mind going, and I decided to follow those thoughts.

He spoke of the gifts that the wise man brought to the Christ child, and the gifts we offer to the Lord. He then spoke of the unfathomable gifts that the Savior offers us and said that this may be the most lopsided gift-giving in the entire universe.

As he spoke, I thought of the little drummer boy. Aside from O Holy Night, my favorite Christmas song has long been “The Little Drummer Boy”—perhaps because I tend to be prone to feelings of inadequacy or smallness, the story of a poor boy with nothing but a drum has always resonated with me. Here he is, brought before not just a king, but the King, told to bring his “finest gifts”, and he feels he has nothing to give that is fit for such a recipient. Yet he steps up and plays his best for the Christ child. And the baby smiles at him. What a marvelous thought. The Savior, who assisted in our creation and knows us intimately, is well aware of what gifts we have and which we don’t. He knows what we are capable of, and he knows better than anyone what we lack. All he asks is that we humbly and willingly offer whatever gifts we have, so long as we offer them with our whole heart.

As we celebrate the Savior’s birth and the marvelous gift of his life, what are the best gifts that we can offer in return for all that he has done for us? As I pondered that, I thought of a remark that was made by one of my loved ones recently. When asked who or what she would be and why if she could’ve been present at the Nativity, she answered that she would like to have been the star—to be a clear, guiding light, so that people could look up and know where they’re going, and that its somewhere good—to know that if they just followed this beautiful light, they would find joy.

I greatly admired the faith and wisdom inherent in that thought. As individuals who have covenanted to take upon us the name of Christ, to do as he would do, this is exactly the gift we should be offering our Savior: to share our testimonies and live as examples to shine his light for those who, wandering in the darkness, are seeking him. We ought to be beacons, shining the light of hope and truth to those who have not yet found him.

All too often, we hesitate to be that light for others. Sometimes that hesitation comes from fear or vanity: we’re afraid that we will be thought simple or foolish or a whole host of other unpleasant things, so refuse to open our mouths or make any bold moves--we hide our candle under a bushel, as it were. Often, that hesitation comes from a different kind of pride: because we know that we are imperfect vessels, we allow the adversary or our own doubts to convince us that we are wholly unworthy ones. We convince ourselves that we can’t possibly have any gifts worthy of the King of Kings and Lord or Lords, because we are poor souls with nothing but a little drum. But the fact is that, though the church has grown by leaps and bounds, less than one half of one percent of the individuals currently living on the earth are members of the church. There is far too much work to be done for us to indulge in self-pity.

At this time of year, as my kids start watching Christmas movies, I always notice how many of them are about belief, about growing cynical with age and losing one’s child-like faith. So many movies set during Christmas are about people wanting to believe in something good—to believe that there is such a thing as purity and selfless love. These movies often carry a theme of homesickness at Christmas, even when you’re home. Too many people are rather blamelessly unaware of the source of purity and selfless love and the resulting joy—they lack the knowledge that much of Christmastime homesickness is a longing for a home we can’t remember, but some part of us knows is there and wants to return to. They don’t understand that that the “spirit of Christmas”, the spirit that inspires them to serve, to give, to be more patient and kind and compassionate, is the spirit of Christ.

In times such as these, that knowledge is so important, because without that understanding, the difficulty of the circumstances that so many people are in causes them to lose their grip on that joy. They don’t entirely understand the source of it, so they aren’t sure how to find it when life gets difficult or messy. There are so many distractions, so many different voices in the world driving people in so many different directions. We ought to speak up more often and more confidently, be a little kinder, a little more thoughtful, a little more patient and giving so that through our testimonies and examples they might find that source of pure joy. We must tend to our testimonies through scripture study and prayer and service so that flame of faith will shine clearly to those who are still wandering in the darkness.

Most of the world is still familiar the story of a little baby lying in a manger because there was no room for him in the inn. But too many people know too little about his life and why it mattered. President Hinckley once said, “There would be no Christmas if there had been no Easter. The babe Jesus of Bethlehem would be but another baby without the redeeming Christ of Gethsemane and Calvary and the triumphant fact of the Resurrection.” That’s what Isaiah meant when he said, “Unto us a child is born; unto us a son is given. . .” That’s why we celebrate. That’s why we give presents and make cookies and decorate trees. Because the Father gave his son, and the son gave his life.

Many times I’ve pondered the fact that one of the last acts of service the Savior gave, before the ultimate act of service of the Atonement, was to wash his apostles feet. This has always struck me as one of the most humble acts of his singularly humble life. He made lame men walk and blind men see. He healed lepers and raised the dead. These were all incredible acts of service. But what of this act of washing feet? It was not miraculous. There was no glory in this service. It was a dirty, probably most unpleasant job, and the only result was clean feet. But I’m sure hearts were cleansed, as well, as he, the greatest being who ever lived, kneeled at a basin and scrubbed the filthy feet of the men to whom he was teacher and master. If we serve with humble hearts, out of love for Him and those we serve, the Lord will sustain us. It may take a long time to see any results, but He will help us scrape away the dirt and mud and stains to cleanse that which has been dirtied by the world.

That was the Savior’s parting lesson to His apostles: if you would lead people, if you would teach them, if you want them to ever “get it”, you must serve them, humbly and selflessly. As Christmas approaches, we should stop and ask ourselves, “Have I been the friend that I ought to be? Have I given way to anger where prayerful compassion ought to hold sway? Have I given up where something more could be done?” When we are tempted to hide our candle under a bushel, we ought to remember how the Lord served us.

A few years ago, in a powerful address entitled, “And None Were With Him”, Elder Holland said, “I speak of those final moments. . .that concluding descent into paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries out in ultimate loneliness, ‘My God, my God, why has Thou forsaken me?’

“But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that he never flees nor fails us. When the uttermost farthing had then been paid, when Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was ‘finished’. Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness and despair. With faith in a God He knew was there, He could say in triumph, ‘Father into thy hands I commend my spirit. . .May we stand by Jesus Christ ‘at all times and in all things and in all places that [we] may be in, even unto death’, for surely that is how He stood by us when it was unto death and when He had to stand entirely and utterly alone.”

No one, not even the most righteous and talented and blessed among us, will ever come close to repaying even a fraction of the gift we were all given. But if we can stand confidently and humbly and, like the little drummer boy, “play our best for him”, I do think he smiles at us—that he is pleased with our sincere service. “Unto us a son is given.” Without that, every other gift would be meaningless. With it, every faithful effort is sanctified. In the shadow of the ultimate gift, every other gift seems so small. But by faithful exercise of our agency, we very slowly work towards exaltation, and a chance to bless other lives with knowledge of gifts of eternal value. We each have to start somewhere, even if we’re too poor and inexperienced to offer anything but a pleasant beat on our little drum. He makes up the difference in whatever we lack.

That’s the gift we celebrate this time of year: a Savior, a Redeemer, who does for us that which we cannot do for ourselves, however valiantly we may try. Someone who steps in and pays the price to cleanse us of our sins, make us whole and carry our burdens that would sometimes be too heavy to bear alone. We all know individuals and families who are struggling and tired, and we may not be able to carry those burdens for them, but as our gift to them and to the Lord, we can try to be a guiding light to point them to he who says, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. . .in the world, ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

Truly those are glad tidings of great joy. The angel who announced the Savior’s birth declared, “Peace on earth, good will to men.” We must remember that peace on earth is found person by person, one by one. My Christmas prayer is that as we find peace in the Savior’s love and Atoning sacrifice, we will share that love with those who have not yet known it, that our Father might welcome all his children home.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Christmas Countdown

So the other day, a friend was blogging about preparing for Christmas and the ways we keep the right focus and spirit as we do that, and I mentioned that usually (with varying degrees of success in consistency) we read a Christ or Christmas-focused scripture each night in December, and have some kind of activity together (which may or may not have anything to do with the scripture). So I told her I'd blog my scripture list. Its in no particular order, and the scriptures that have particular activities attached to them are noted. I thought that since today is the first of December, I best get it up.

1. 1 Nephi 11:8, 25 (Nephi's description of the Tree of Life) *Put up tree

2. Isaiah 1:18 (tho your sins be as scarlet, they will be as white as snow) *Cut out paper snowflakes

3. John 10:11, 14-16/Luke 2:7 (I am the good shepherd/shepherds tending their fields) *Put candy canes on the tree

4. John 8:12 (I am the light of the world) *Go on light drive

5. Matt 2:11 (Wise men bring gifts)--Letters to Santa/Angel tree gifts

6. John 1:3 (All things made by him) *Pinecone reindeer or other similar craft

7. Micah 5:2 (Savior will come out of Bethlehem) *Watch Nativity Story as a family

8. Joshua 24:15 (as for me and my house, we will serve the lord) *Make gingerbread/graham cracker houses

9. Nephi 2:25 (Men are that they might have joy) *Town tree lighting/hayride

10. John 13:34 (Love one another) *Ward Christmas party

11. D&C 110:3 (Description of Lord's appearance--hair like driven snow) *Q tip snowflake ornaments

12. 2 John 1:6 (If you love me, walk after my commandments) *Footprint reindeer

13. Moses 1:39 (my work and my glory to bring to pass eternal life of man) *Make wreath together

14. Isaiah 9:6 (His name shall be called. . .) *Name subway art (Jesus Christ, Immanuel, Savior, Wonderful, Counselor, etc--let kids write/become familiar with titles)

15. Mosiah 3:8

16. Ps 27:1 (Lord is my light and salvation)

17. Job 19:25 (I know that my redeemer liveth)

18. Isaiah 53:3-5 (he hath borne our sorrows and carried our griefs)

19. 2 John 4:8, 16 (God is love)

20. Helaman 14:2-5

21. John 14:15 (If ye love me, keep my commandments)

22. Ephesians 3:14-15

23. John 16: 27-28, 33 (Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world)

24. Luke 2--read Christmas story and sing "Silent Night"

Feel free to use this with your family if you like, arranging it in whatever way works best for your schedule and the ages of your children. For my non-Mormon friends, you'll have to find a few replacements for Book of Mormon scriptures (or, better yet, just add the BOM to your family scriptures!! :) ).

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Thankfuls

Its hard to know where to even begin with everything I'm grateful for. The list is toooooo long to go over here, so just so you know, what I'm most thankful for every day is

Him,
and his animated eyebrows,
off beat world view
strange pockets of knowledge that catch me off guard
simple pleasures
and his current passion for snow pants
and camo boots;

Her,
and her disarming smile
and the frequency with which she flashes it,
and her Umphrey dimples
and Umphrey ears
and good-natured sociality;

Her,
and her enthusiasm for being alive
her helpfulness with her younger siblings
her love of cold air
and her careful attention to
and understanding of
the things that really matter;

Her,
and her constant desire for affection,
her surety that she can ballet dance,
her confidence
and those beautiful blue eyes
that let me look right into her little soul,
'cause she just puts it all out there;

and Hubby,
of whom I have no recent photos,
for the way he pushes me to be better
in a way I'd never push myself
for the way he makes the kids giggle and squeal
when he plays with them
for his desire to raise his family the right way
and his refusal to accept anything less.

I'm so glad that they're all mine,
and that I'm theirs.
And I'm glad that we're all home.

Parting shot


A couple of weeks before we left, the Ashcrafts invited us over to have dinner, watch the Fresno/Boise game and just hang out. It was wonderful to be able to spend some time like that with them one more time. I love this shot--Clint reading to the little girls. Kylie, who was so terribly, painfully shy as a baby and young toddler, was always comfortable in this house, with these people. She let Emily hold her. This was the first place, other than at home, that she dared wander from my side; when she was about 10 months old, still crying incessantly when left anywhere without me and clinging constantly to my side any time we left the house, she happily toddled off to play with other kids or sit with Clint and Emily. Maybe the Ashcrafts are magic--it sometimes felt that way. Humble, kind and so very much fun, they are some of my favorite people, too.

I realized after we left that I have no pictures of myself with the Tree girls, and very few pictures of them at all. Angie Meik and Emily Ashcraft are sisters, my closest friends in California these last few years, and I felt like their adopted little sister. They loved me so well, and I love that their husbands were Doug's closest friends, and we were all so at ease in each other's company. I miss them already. I miss that their youngest girls were Kylie's best friends. I miss Morgan's quiet insight in Sunday School. I miss Cotter's enthusiasm and help with the younger kids. You don't find friends like these very often.

The Joseph Smith quote has come back to me quite often lately:

“How good and glorious it has seemed unto me, to find pure and holy friends, who are faithful, just, and true, and whose hearts fail not; and whose knees are confirmed and do not falter… I hope I shall see [my friends] again, that I may toil for them, and administer to their comfort also. They shall not want a friend while I live; my heart shall love those, and my hands shall toil for those, who love and toil for me, and shall ever be found faithful to my friends."

If only I could get them and Montana all rolled together. . .

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Missing auntie manda already

Last night, we went over to Amanda and Tim's to get both vehicles all lubed/brake-jobbed up before we take off on our crazy long drive, and took all the kids so that they could play together one last time.

Just before we left, Amanda asked Kylie if she could have a kiss. Kylie kissed her, and then let out a heavy sigh, and in a melancholy tone (while wearing her famous pouty face) she said, "I'm moving to Montana." Auntie Amanda comforted her by saying, "I know, sweetie, but I think next spring we're gonna come visit you." Immediately her face brightened up and she asked excitedly, "In Montana?!"

She has no idea what bounty awaits her in the form or aunts and uncles and cousins, but she's gonna miss her best friend "auntie Manda" anyway. I'm grateful my children are so well loved.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Saying goodbye

Our plans have changed about four times in the last week or so, but we're finally set. Mom and Michael will be here sometime Saturday, and the kids and I will take off for Utah with them Sunday morning, arriving in Mission sometime Monday evening.

Today, one of my friends hosted a playdate so that we could spend some time with our wonderful mommy friends. I couldn't think too much about leaving this wonderful group of women or I'd just get sick, so I tried to focus on the fact that I'll be near my sisters again. As I gave hugs and said goodbye, I could tell I would be missed as much as I would miss them--it was a wonderfully miserable feeling. Every time the car turned as it was leaving the driveway, all the kids in it would yell "Bye Kylie!!" again. Finally, she said, "Mommy, they keep saying bye to me!" I told her, "I know, Kylie, that's because we're going to Montana and they're staying in California and we won't see them again for a long time. We're not sure when we'll see them again." Suddenly, her eyes got very big, and in a pathetically sad little voice she said, "But we will miss them!" I responded that we certainly would, and she burst into tears. "But Mommy we will miss them!!" Apparently, what moving meant hadn't sunk in for our littlest one til yesterday. It was a pretty sad moment.

But it all made me feel so grateful once again for having been in this particular place at this particular point in time. Sometimes the Lord helps something special to happen--and even if you know that's the case, the "something special" isn't always what you think it is. For a time, however brief, he brought all these families together, and in many respects we felt like a big family. We relied heavily on each other, and were intertwined the way enmeshed families are, sometimes seeing each other 6 or 7 days a week. We learned to see and cherish one another's strengths and be patient with each other's weaknesses. I think we all learned a little better how and why to see those around us as brothers and sisters, fellow children of a divine Father. We welcomed new family members together--both babies and converts--and helped each other to teach and nurture them while struggling with our own shortcomings. We've learned more Christlike love through the way we have loved and been loved by each other. What lesson could be more important than that?

The Lord gathers his people and he scatters his people. Both are difficult for different reasons, both have their blessings, as well, and I don't pretend to understand all his reasons for doing either. I'm simply grateful to have been a small part of this gathering, to better understand the line, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". This Thanksgiving as I enjoy dinner with my whole, big, wonderful family, I will also think of my many wonderful friends in California, and truly be filled up with gratitude for the abundance with which the Lord has blessed me.