its so exciting!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
On personality
Kylie, standing on a chair, ordering Keira to do this and Dylan to do that, then announces, loudly, with unholy confidence and more than a little big-girl swagger, "I am large and in charge!"
Its nice that all my kids have such a clear sense of themselves. I guess.
Monday, June 4, 2012
She's 8 today. . .
We left for Anaconda late Saturday morning (or perhaps early afternoon? we weren't moving very quickly) and took the long way over. And I do mean long. It took us about three times as long as just driving the interstate, but we saw a whole lot of pretty country. We kept trying to outrun the rain, but never quite managed to, until we got to Anaconda and then it was sunny and gorgeous, a perfect summer evening. The family that Doug is renting from has five children, whose younger three line up with our older three. They got invited down to watch a movie and play, and that delighted them--an hour into seeing their new town they already had friends.
We had intended to go to the ward for the first time this week and introduce ourselves and hopefully meet a few people, but it turns out that they had Stake Conference this weekend. Stake conference in an unfamiliar stake with four young children sounded, well, kind of awful actually, so on a whim we drove down to Rexburg to visit Rachel. It was a the right decision. We saw her apartment and met a few roommates, and then we went up to Idaho Falls and had a picnic and went for a walk around the falls and the river. The kids loved the sunshine and the water and the temple, but mostly they loved getting to see auntie Rachel, and realizing just how close she'll be when we move (including a 10-15 minute potty stop in Dillon, it took us 3 hours and 4 minutes to get to her apartment from the house we're staying at in Anaconda). It was really good to see her. We all need us a little Rachel now and then (pictures to come, btw)
Today has been a full yet somehow lazy day. We going sort of slow this morning (by which I mean everyone slept in til nearly 7:30!) and once we all got ourselves put together we headed to Washoe Park, which the kids and I have decided may be our new favorite place. It's huge, with so many lush, leafy green trees, two large playgrounds, a duck pond, a community pool, a creek with paths and bridges running through the whole thing, and a fish hatchery off at one end. We were there for a couple of hours and probably wouldn't have left except that everyone was starving. After having some lunch (and taking some lunch to Doug) we headed out again, this time to the Super Slide! Its just a big outdoor slide built into one of the hills in town, and when you sit on a wool blanket, you go really, really fast. Other than climbing the stairs over and over, it was delightful and the kids already want to go back. We found an old train car to climb on (always love hearing Dylan call out from the front of a train car, "I'm your friendly neighborhood conductor! All aboard!" Seriously. Totally melts me every time). We found another awesome park, this one with a swinging bench, a human-child-size hamster wheel, and a fantastic view of the Smoke Stack. We explored up some of the hills at the south end of town, where Keilana declared, "This is where I want to live, because it has room for horses."
To cap it all off, she got to have a hamburger and milkshake from one of the best milkshake joints in Butte.
We're gonna like it here. We can tell.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
The Faith to Be Bold
I've been thinking a lot about Abinadi lately. He was assigned a very difficult mission. The Lord commanded him to preach repentance to the people of King Noah--no small task, as it was a culture awash in hedonistic indulgence and not real inclined to change. The first time he tried to teach the people, he warned them that if they didn't repent they'd be brought into bondage, and they essentially ran him out of town. Two years later, he was commanded to return and try again, this time warning the people that they were going to be brought under bondage, but if they didn't repent now, they would also be destroyed. They angrily bound him and brought him before the king, claiming that he was speaking evil of the people and the king, who according to them had done no wrong (this may be the most accurate, succinct example of the general reaction of the unrepentant guilty, "How dare you judge me!" followed by dissembling and justification).
Not only did Abinadi not back down from his prophecies, but he bore a bold, powerful testimony of the Savior and the Atonement (the claim that the call to repentance is an act of love falls on deaf ears amongst the hard-hearted; Abinadi could have quoted the Savior's declaration that "I come into the world not to condemn the world, but to save the world" and it wouldn't have been truly heard), quoting the prophet Isaiah at length. He chastised the priests for teaching the law of Moses but living a life of debauchery. He was told by the king that he was going to be put to death for the things that he said. He continued to testify of the Atonement and the need for a change in the peoples' lives. He was told that if he recanted, his life would be spared. He refused and was burned to death, testifying boldly until literally his last breath, shouting over the initial flames.
There is much to take from Abinadi's story, but the thing that has struck me over and over is how easy it would be, from Abinadi's perspective, to feel like he had failed. He accepted a difficult assignment from the Lord, that made him a loner and an outcast. He had to speak uncomfortable truths that people didn't want to hear. He lived with much discomfort for an intensely arduous mission that ultimately claimed his life. All this, and in Abinadi's life on the earth, he never (as far as we know) witnessed any positive effects or consequences of his teaching and prophesying and laboring. At the time of his martyrdom, it looked like all he had accomplished was to die nobly for a lost cause.
But we know the rest of the story. We know that Alma, one of the priests of Noah, heard the words of Abinadi and was touched by the Spirit. He made drastic changes in his soul, sacrificing a life of comfort and privilege in order to hide himself away in the wilderness to repent and record the things that Abinadi had taught. He became a remarkable missionary, teaching these truths to anyone willing to listen. Hundreds of people came to Christ through Alma, who became an outstanding prophet in his own right, guiding a people who were humbly focused on Christ, who lived with "their hearts knit together in unity" through the love of their Redeemer. Alma raised a son who became one the most effective missionaries ever, bringing hundreds more to the Savior, with his own conversion serving as a living witness of the ability of the Savior and the Holy Spirit to work mighty changes in men.
On this side of the veil, Abinadi never got to see any of that. But he could boldly fulfill his mission, no matter the sacrifice, because he trusted that the Lord has wise purposes and that no labor in his name is ever in vain. Surely Abinadi was greeted on the other side by the words, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."
We are often guilty of wanting instant spiritual gratification: Ok, Lord, I've been good and done what you asked me to do, so now where's my insta-miracle? The fact is that many of our labors require lifelong work, and we may only see small progress, little changes, if we can see them at all. But I believe with all my heart that the work we do is not in vain, that the testimonies that we bear do not always fall on deaf ears, that the service that we render is never wholly ineffective. If we live faithfully enough to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost, others might be able to feel that influence through us, might feel that confirming confidence as we bear testimonies through both word and action.
I think about these kind of things more around Memorial Day, I guess. My grandma, who has been gone for many years now, was always very diligent about cleaning and decorating the graves not just of her husbands, but also of her parents and her husband's parents. I never knew my great-grandparents. In fact, my mother never knew her paternal grandfather, and her paternal grandmother died when she was only 5 or 6. It would seem that people I never knew, that my mother never really knew, wouldn't have much effect on me and my life. I certainly wouldn't have been a glint in their eyes, having been born three or four decades after they died, but I realize that my life is what it is, that I am the person that I am, partly because of who they were and the decisions that they made. The raised their children with the Gospel, spent their golden years serving their children and grandchildren and traveling to various temples doing work for those who had passed on before them. They certainly could never know the effect that their example has had on my life, but decades later the testimonies that they lived have been a tremendous influence on my life.
So when the difficulty of of remaining faithful and fulfilling your moral obligations seems too great, remember that what you do matters, that you have greater influence than you probably know, and that your hard work will be rewarded, both for you and for those you serve. It matters.
Years ago, I wrote down this quote, the source for which I've lost track of, but I absolutely love it, because it captures so well the faith and forward-looking nature of Gospel work: "Even if your efforts of attention seem for years to producing no results, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood your soul."
Be bold, be faithful, and trust the Lord with the consequences.
Not only did Abinadi not back down from his prophecies, but he bore a bold, powerful testimony of the Savior and the Atonement (the claim that the call to repentance is an act of love falls on deaf ears amongst the hard-hearted; Abinadi could have quoted the Savior's declaration that "I come into the world not to condemn the world, but to save the world" and it wouldn't have been truly heard), quoting the prophet Isaiah at length. He chastised the priests for teaching the law of Moses but living a life of debauchery. He was told by the king that he was going to be put to death for the things that he said. He continued to testify of the Atonement and the need for a change in the peoples' lives. He was told that if he recanted, his life would be spared. He refused and was burned to death, testifying boldly until literally his last breath, shouting over the initial flames.
There is much to take from Abinadi's story, but the thing that has struck me over and over is how easy it would be, from Abinadi's perspective, to feel like he had failed. He accepted a difficult assignment from the Lord, that made him a loner and an outcast. He had to speak uncomfortable truths that people didn't want to hear. He lived with much discomfort for an intensely arduous mission that ultimately claimed his life. All this, and in Abinadi's life on the earth, he never (as far as we know) witnessed any positive effects or consequences of his teaching and prophesying and laboring. At the time of his martyrdom, it looked like all he had accomplished was to die nobly for a lost cause.
But we know the rest of the story. We know that Alma, one of the priests of Noah, heard the words of Abinadi and was touched by the Spirit. He made drastic changes in his soul, sacrificing a life of comfort and privilege in order to hide himself away in the wilderness to repent and record the things that Abinadi had taught. He became a remarkable missionary, teaching these truths to anyone willing to listen. Hundreds of people came to Christ through Alma, who became an outstanding prophet in his own right, guiding a people who were humbly focused on Christ, who lived with "their hearts knit together in unity" through the love of their Redeemer. Alma raised a son who became one the most effective missionaries ever, bringing hundreds more to the Savior, with his own conversion serving as a living witness of the ability of the Savior and the Holy Spirit to work mighty changes in men.
On this side of the veil, Abinadi never got to see any of that. But he could boldly fulfill his mission, no matter the sacrifice, because he trusted that the Lord has wise purposes and that no labor in his name is ever in vain. Surely Abinadi was greeted on the other side by the words, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."
We are often guilty of wanting instant spiritual gratification: Ok, Lord, I've been good and done what you asked me to do, so now where's my insta-miracle? The fact is that many of our labors require lifelong work, and we may only see small progress, little changes, if we can see them at all. But I believe with all my heart that the work we do is not in vain, that the testimonies that we bear do not always fall on deaf ears, that the service that we render is never wholly ineffective. If we live faithfully enough to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost, others might be able to feel that influence through us, might feel that confirming confidence as we bear testimonies through both word and action.
I think about these kind of things more around Memorial Day, I guess. My grandma, who has been gone for many years now, was always very diligent about cleaning and decorating the graves not just of her husbands, but also of her parents and her husband's parents. I never knew my great-grandparents. In fact, my mother never knew her paternal grandfather, and her paternal grandmother died when she was only 5 or 6. It would seem that people I never knew, that my mother never really knew, wouldn't have much effect on me and my life. I certainly wouldn't have been a glint in their eyes, having been born three or four decades after they died, but I realize that my life is what it is, that I am the person that I am, partly because of who they were and the decisions that they made. The raised their children with the Gospel, spent their golden years serving their children and grandchildren and traveling to various temples doing work for those who had passed on before them. They certainly could never know the effect that their example has had on my life, but decades later the testimonies that they lived have been a tremendous influence on my life.
So when the difficulty of of remaining faithful and fulfilling your moral obligations seems too great, remember that what you do matters, that you have greater influence than you probably know, and that your hard work will be rewarded, both for you and for those you serve. It matters.
Years ago, I wrote down this quote, the source for which I've lost track of, but I absolutely love it, because it captures so well the faith and forward-looking nature of Gospel work: "Even if your efforts of attention seem for years to producing no results, one day a light that is in exact proportion to them will flood your soul."
Be bold, be faithful, and trust the Lord with the consequences.
Just have to say
I find it both bizarre and unfortunate that in our society any unmarried person of prominence confessing that they are, by conscious choice, a virgin is big news.
And controversial news.
On one hand, I'm grateful that those who have made that kind of moral choice are willing to say so, because I think it does help young people who are trying to walk that path to know that they aren't actually alone in a world that often seems hyper-sexualized. But honestly, its all just a little strange. We live in weird times.
And controversial news.
On one hand, I'm grateful that those who have made that kind of moral choice are willing to say so, because I think it does help young people who are trying to walk that path to know that they aren't actually alone in a world that often seems hyper-sexualized. But honestly, its all just a little strange. We live in weird times.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Feeling Grateful
Despite my long night the other night, its been a good week. Doug's been very fortunate at work. One of the reasons that we took the job in Anaconda, was that the opportunity for advancement was better. On Tuesday night at the County Commissioners meeting, Doug was officially made the interim Planning Director. The previous Planning Director is currently the interim CEO and is running in the fall election to serve in that position permanently. It is likely that after the election Doug's position will become permanent as well. There are more responsibilities, more accountability involved, but there is also a substantial raise involved, so hopefully it will be worth it. We still won't be flush with cash by any means, but it does give us a bit of breathing room. It will challenge him, but I have every confidence that he will rise to the occasion.
I got a physical this week and then took a pack test today for wildland firefighting. I was convinced I was going to fail the pack test (walk 3 miles--jogging or running is not allowed--in 45 minutes while wearing a 45 pound pack, which is actually a weighted vest). I'm not sure why I was convinced I was going to do so poorly. I've been jogging every day for a few weeks; granted, not very far and not very fast, but I have been consistent. I was sure my legs would give out on me (I find rapid walking to be way more exhausting for my legs than jogging, especially with an extra 45 pounds to lug). Turns out the trouble was all in my head: I finished in 42 minutes, and the second half my legs didn't hurt at all (or, if they did, I had ceased to notice). I've been trying to adjust so many of my habits lately, and it is starting to pay off little by little. After 4 kids, I can't get back into shape as quickly as I did at 16 or 18, but I am feeling stronger again, and a little faster each week. The only thing missing is decent sleep. Still can't figure that out, what's causing the restless sleep, but I'm working on it.
Anyway, with that out of the way, I can do rookie training now, which I'll get paid for. I could use a 40-hour week paycheck. And with any luck I'll get one decent fire that will earn me a big chunk of change. A 2-week roll would pay off our last non-student loan debt, or buy a new computer and some furniture. Even an 8-day roll would make a huge dent in my financial to-do list.
After two years of ridiculous stress, so many unknowns floating around us, so many emotional ups and downs, and feeling like no matter what we did we just kept digging a deeper and deeper hole, it feels like there is really, truly light at the end of the tunnel.
The list of things we need/want is still pretty long, but it finally feels like, even if it takes a while, it might actually be doable. For the first time in our marriage, I think, those fun things we'd like to have/do seem like realistic goals instead of pipe dreams. Heres hoping the inklings we've been getting about the future are correct.
I got a physical this week and then took a pack test today for wildland firefighting. I was convinced I was going to fail the pack test (walk 3 miles--jogging or running is not allowed--in 45 minutes while wearing a 45 pound pack, which is actually a weighted vest). I'm not sure why I was convinced I was going to do so poorly. I've been jogging every day for a few weeks; granted, not very far and not very fast, but I have been consistent. I was sure my legs would give out on me (I find rapid walking to be way more exhausting for my legs than jogging, especially with an extra 45 pounds to lug). Turns out the trouble was all in my head: I finished in 42 minutes, and the second half my legs didn't hurt at all (or, if they did, I had ceased to notice). I've been trying to adjust so many of my habits lately, and it is starting to pay off little by little. After 4 kids, I can't get back into shape as quickly as I did at 16 or 18, but I am feeling stronger again, and a little faster each week. The only thing missing is decent sleep. Still can't figure that out, what's causing the restless sleep, but I'm working on it.
Anyway, with that out of the way, I can do rookie training now, which I'll get paid for. I could use a 40-hour week paycheck. And with any luck I'll get one decent fire that will earn me a big chunk of change. A 2-week roll would pay off our last non-student loan debt, or buy a new computer and some furniture. Even an 8-day roll would make a huge dent in my financial to-do list.
After two years of ridiculous stress, so many unknowns floating around us, so many emotional ups and downs, and feeling like no matter what we did we just kept digging a deeper and deeper hole, it feels like there is really, truly light at the end of the tunnel.
The list of things we need/want is still pretty long, but it finally feels like, even if it takes a while, it might actually be doable. For the first time in our marriage, I think, those fun things we'd like to have/do seem like realistic goals instead of pipe dreams. Heres hoping the inklings we've been getting about the future are correct.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
I've had better days. . .
. . .and worse ones.
I didn't get done everything I meant to.
That means I'm waking up to a semi-messy house,
just the thought of that makes me grumpy.
I wasn't my best self today,
probably mostly because I'm not sleeping well,
probably because halfway through the night,
I have several children in my bed.
Or maybe because I feel like
I'm never getting done all I mean to do.
I'm running, but still behind.
Feel like I'm trying so hard,
and yet never much closer
to that person that I want to be.
I don't care for self-pity,
I'm not a big fan of needy,
and I try to avoid them both.
But there are those moments
when an attempt at prayer
just turns into incomprehensible crying
and I can't decide if that's very sincere
or just miserably pathetic.
It seems like it'd just be best
to declare, "I suck at everything"
and slip into the deep slumber
of the not-trying-anymore types,
comforted in my self-loathing
by my own self-pity
(Because, really, who tries this hard,
very consciously, every day,
and makes this little progress?)
But alas, that's not the right course.
So I'll lay down,
try my best to sleep
(though I'm not making any promises)
and start fresh tomorrow.
I think I need some positive reinforcement.
And a vacation.
And a nap.
Definitely a nap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)