Thursday, May 27, 2010


This is the girl I'd like to be. She's just about my best self. I haven't been her lately. Actually, I've been a bit of a disaster, and I have no real excuse for it. My life's pretty darned easy and wonderfully good. This girl was confident, easily contented and patient. A tiny one-bedroom apartment that was way overpriced was "cozy" and enough for her. The fact that she didn't even have enough furniture to fill up her 500 sq ft was funny. She loved to try new things because if she was no good at it or didn't like, what did she really have to lose? Her energetic toddler could spend all day jumping on her, throwing tantrums, scattering little wooden blocks (that hurt terribly when accidentally stepped on!) everywhere, writing on walls and climbing on top of the desk, counters, dressers, and she'd never even feel annoyed, much less lose her patience. She did romantic, spontaneous things for her husband and balanced working, keeping a house and raising a baby with energy to spare. She enjoyed her callings and served in them enthusiastically. She set goals--physical, intellectual, and spiritual--and pursued them diligently, rarely failing in achieving them or getting very discouraged with the setbacks. Actually, this girl was a lot like her mom. Lately, she's been something else. Something I don't care for much. So, I'm setting some goals, and I'm putting them here to hold myself accountable.

I will pray every morning and every evening, to start and end each day.
I will read at least one chapter of scripture a day.
I will journal at least once a week.
Family Home Evening will happen on Monday evenings.

That's it for now. I won't bore you with the details of the plans, but feel free to ask about my progress. Don't make me let you feel guilty for bothering me about personal things. The bottom line is that I don't like to share, but sometimes I need to anyway. I'd like to see that girl again, and one thing she wasn't ever very good at all, but I need to learn to be if I'm ever going to see her again (oh the irony), was asking for help. Showing weakness is not one of my strengths. I could also do without the extra 30 pounds between her and I. But we'll see how that goes.


Callie said...

Oh how life can change us into something we don't like without us realizing it! I am pretty sure you just wrote this blog about me! Here's to getting back to that person with the improvements only time and wisdom can bring. And about that 30 lbs...I'm so with you! As far as I'm concerned, you are doing great though considering you are up a child on me! :)

Becky said...

i don't know...i don't think we can ever go back to those uncomplicated times - nor should we. i think we need to find peace and growth and zen and all of that...but we will never be the same. we have multiple - MULTIPLE being the key word - children. we just need to figure out how to tap into the grace and wonder that we use to live with daily. it's there - but it's different now. it's more chaotic and stained with jam and butter. i yearn for the feeling, but know that i have to find what works with this new reality. and prayer and scriptures has been the key to that - oh, and long walks to meditate and think things through. and sometimes you just have to get away from the kids to appreciate them. good're more amazing than you think and closer to your true self than you realize. we all are. thanks for letting us in on the journey.