*contented sigh*

I love my husband.

I love my kids.

I'm really grateful that I got to have all of them all day today.

There just isn't enough of that around here.

I love my husband's job.

And some days, I hate myself for resenting it. . . .

but in the end, I'm always grateful he has it.

Now if I could just stop

being grumpy about the fact 

that tomorrow we have church

from 2-5 (is there a worse time for the age range of my family?)

in Porterville

and then I have to leave just after six

to go back to Porterville

to speak at a Single Adult fireside.

Can't say I'm exactly thrilled.

But I'm working on it. 

By tomorrow afternoon

I'll be ecstatic. 

Just wait and see.

First day and dual immersion thoughts

Keilana got out at 2:30.  She walked up and happily greeted me with a smile while declaring, "I didn't cry the whole time!"  True to Keilana style.  She's always been shy and afraid of new situations.  But she's always loved new situations and been a real trooper about pushing through the fear in order to find the fun.  When we got home she asked me if she could watch Spanish kids shows on Saturday.  She enjoyed recess, excitedly telling me she saw a few other kids she knew while they were outside today.  Her favorite part of the day seemed to be eating lunch in the cafeteria.  She's excited to go back tomorrow and very proud of herself for being a big, brave Kindergartener.  While I was reading to her this afternoon, she asked, "Mom, what's the Spanish word for book?"  Then, "What's the Spanish word for page?".  A few minutes later it was, "Mom, how do you say 'picture' in Spanish?"

I have mixed feelings to some degree about dual immersion programs and Becky asked some questions on my last post that were exactly my own worries about using the program.  Much of what I know is second hand from other parents, as this is my first experience with it.

I think its important to teach young children other languages.  Regardless of the specific language, learning additional languages early in life is a skill and ability too few children have the opportunity to acquire.   The "brain training" secondary languages require is useful for many things, throughout life.  Now, is a dual immersion program in school the best method for doing that?  I don't know.  Its certainly the most efficient way to make a child fluent in a second language, but how high a priority does fluency need to be at 5 or 6 years old?  Being in a community like Lindsay (more than 80% Latino, much of that population speaking primarily or only Spanish), it certainly moves it higher on the priority list than if you live in St. Ignatius, MT, but I still don't know that it needs to be a top concern.

My two primary concerns with a dual immersion program were my child feeling isolated in a community where she is already very noticeably in the minority, and falling behind in all-around academic skills as she focuses hard on trying to figure out what's going on by learning a hugely complex new skill--a second language.  Keilana has two of her friends from Church, who are also white and speak only English--a pretty big distinction from most of their peers in Lindsay--in her class at school.  The fact is, if that weren't the case (notwithstanding its many advantages), I don't know that we'd stick with the program for her.  Both Doug and myself have some pretty strong philosophical reasons why we think its important for our children to learn Spanish, but we both understand that this isn't the only way to do that and neither one of us is so stubborn that we would leave Keilana in if it got to be more of a burden than a blessing for her.  I started Kindergarten 20 years ago this week and I remember how scared I was--at a tiny school where I already knew most of my class, the school itself, the majority of the teachers and was going with my twin brother.  I can only imagine what it would be like for my shy little girl to know no one and understand nothing anyone was saying.  I think that's a bit much and I wouldn't ask that of her.

My other concern is, just starting to read and write and do math, are we going to have to play a lot of catch up since she's spending so much time focused on a foreign language?  I don't know exactly how they run this shindig, and still want some time to actually speak with the teacher.  I have been told they do 90% of the day in Spanish this year, 80% next year, 70% in second grade, etc.  I don't know how that actually breaks down in classroom time, and all the parents I know who have older kids that have gone through the program say that their children are doing just great on their English work and are scoring well during standardized testing.  I'll be anxious to get some time to actually talk to the teacher since that all sounds too goo to be true (maybe they don't do quite as much in Spanish on a daily basis as it sounds like).  What I do know is that I will continue to work with her at home (her reading is really coming along), as I have up to this point, and if it seems like dual immersion is having a negative impact on her overall academic development, we will definitely consider switching her to a regular classroom.  In the mean time, I'll keep y'all posted on how things go this year and any changing feelings.

Anyone who may be inclined to try and start a political debate here with me should probably be warned right up front that I won't engage it.  I will say that I am, on about 90% of issues, staunchly, unabashedly conservative.  I am very much of the opinion that if you choose to come to and live in America, you have a personal responsibility to learn English.  That being said, I have the good fortune of knowing many good people, who have come here legally and contributed in many positive ways to their community, who have struggled to learn English.  They are trying and they do want to and are getting there, but I see the hurdles in their path and am happy to be patient with the realities of that situation.  And, let's face it, we may as well deal with "the realities on the ground", so to speak.  I have been making a more concerted effort myself to learn better Spanish.  In where I have chosen to live, it will make me a better teacher and missionary and thus it becomes my obligation to do so.  I have found that trying to change people's behavior by telling them what to do doesn't generally work too well.  But more often than not if you put in the effort to truly reach out to people, sooner or later they'll start reaching back.

Just a taste. . .

First day of school.  Real school.  Seven hour day school.  Pretty excited before we took off this morning.  Then came the drop off.  Got to the classroom, had teacher introduce herself and start asking questions in Spanish.  Realized she understood nothing and had no idea what was going on or who anyone was.  Panic setting in.  A few tears (though, bless her heart, she agreed to be brave and started wiping them away and told me goodbye).  

Passed two of her friends on our way out who are also in her class, and who also speak only English.  Gave me hope--let me choke back my own tears (no, mine never surfaced).  Let you know how it went, and will post more photos, after I pick her up this afternoon.  Could be a long year (or two).  Pray for us.   Especially Keila bug.

Rock concerts and bad dancing

So Thursday night Doug comes home at about 9:30 after going out with the missionaries and says, "You wanna go to a concert tomorrow night?"  So I ask who's playing and he say's, "Bob Dylan.  And Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp."

How can I not?

Wonderful to be without all three of our kids twice in one month.  The last time we were completely kid-free twice in the same month was more than two years ago.  Savor those moments.  Feel like husband and wife for a little while, not just mom and dad.  Sweethearts.  Oh yeah, look at that handsome, hilarious guy over there that I married.  Mmmmmm. . . .

I digress. 

Quick concert review:

Willie: stage cluttered.  Willie and band in jeans and tshirts (sleeveless, in the case of Mr. Nelson, of course).  Crowd wandering around Chukchansi Park almost too casually.  Felt like an afternoon jam session with a few thousand good friends.  Very low-key and delightful.

Mellencamp: Generic sounding rock songs sung by generic rock start, but with a really preachy socialist twist.  Fist pumping and camping for the crowd and lots of dramatic movement so that you know every second he is PLAYING.  THE.  GUITAR.   Not the worst time I've ever had, but 90 minutes of my life I wouldn't mind having back.

Dylan: everything you'd expect.  Great "show".  Dylan and band all in suits.  Dylan distinguishable by ridiculously awesome big white hat. (Plus, he's the one usually behind the keyboard, anyway).  Lots of new stuff, and a few old songs reworked so thoroughly that most of the crowd didn't recognize them til the chorus.  Obviously works to retain that Dylan mystique and was, of course, unintelligible for half the show.  Awesome.

Well worth the ticket price.  Fortunately, we didn't have to pay the ticket price.

You know what I love about concerts, though?  No where else do you get such a large collection of people who can't dance, but keep trying anyway, either unaware of how stupid they look or simply apathetic about it because it just feels so good to dance.  I was looking around and I couldn't help but smile--not in a derisively amused way, but in a joyful, appreciative way.  I was thinking to myself:

Go on and fly, half buzzed college guys doing "the airplane" on the grass.

Skip roll your way to ecstasy, super hairy overweight guy in oversized khaki shorts and bowling shirt.

Hop off beat til you can't hop any more, chick in micro mini and cowboy boots (who obviously isn't wearing an appropriate bra for hopping).

And middle-aged woman in peasant blouse and khaki capris, you go on and do that myoclonic twitch thing that seems to make you so happy.

As long as its a good crowd, I love concerts--the music, the atmosphere, the whole package.  It'd been a while since we'd been, and I almost forgot how much I loved it.

Never at any point, however, did I forget how much I hate the smell of weed.

Turtles

[Just in case any one is wondering whether or not to call LDS family services and ask about a psychologist, that last post was not in reference to myself.  A loved one is going through a particularly lonesome time in life, and I was just expressing how hard Aloneness is.  All good with me.]

So I have this whole turtle thing.  I have an affinity for turtles, and have for a long time.  Lots of people have asked me about why.  Usually its something along the line of "Turtles?  Really?  I mean, like, horses or dogs or something I get, but turtles?"   Yes, turtles.  There are several reasons I like turtles.

First, and most obvious, the whole shell thing.  Turtles are quite soft and squishy and tender, really (it is my understanding that turtle meat tastes quite a bit like--you guessed it--chicken, albeit slightly fishy).  They carry that big ol' shell around for protection, and whip back up into it at the first sign of danger or trouble.  I am, in all honesty, a very emotional, sensitive and tenderhearted creature (if you have known me primarily through my blog, or from the age of  22 on, feel free to insert a giant "Duh!" here).  But I developed for myself quite a thick shell of detachment, sarcasm and silence.  And when there is the slightest whiff of emotional trouble or  emotional exposure, my first instinct is to immediately withdraw all exposed parts right back into that nice, safe shell.  I've worked pretty hard not to do that quite as often or as quickly, but I see a kindred spirit in the turtle in that respect.

Secondly, the turtle is often used as a sign of patience and persistence.  I struggle with these things in some respect, but those have frequently been my two strong points, personally as well as in my relationships with others.  My husband would be the first to say, I think, that a big part of the reason that our marriage works as well as it does is that generally I am quite patient with him and with the kids.  And I am actually often better at meeting long term goals than short term ones.  I do get frustrated and discouraged with feeling like I'm slow and plodding if I'm looking a few weeks or small tasks into the future, but when I keep the big picture in mind, with the end goal miles away down the road, I am pretty good at staying consistent and determined.

And lastly, and probably most importantly, have you ever watched a sea turtle (or even a little painted turtle) swim?  On land, turtles are very slow, awkward and lumbering creatures.  They look a little ridiculous.  But get them in the water and suddenly they are swift, agile, even graceful.  When you put them in their element, that which they were designed for, they practically become different animals.

There are so many ways and places in life in which I feel awkward.  I get frustrated and feel slow and clumsy.  But the Lord has given me a few wonderful gifts, and when I am using those gifts appropriately I sometimes catch a glimpse of my best self, the beautiful creature my Father designed me to be, and I am supremely grateful for that which He has given me.  Many of those gifts I didn't realize I even had, or that they were as strong as they are, until I was 18 or 20 years old.  I pray now that I will develop them as I ought and be worthy of them.  For its in those things that I feel the most alive and the most helpful to those around me.  

Being lonely sucks.

But you know what's 1,000 times worse?

Being all alone.

Being lonely=no one around to keep you company.

Being all alone=lots of people, lots of bodies, lots of "should be my friend"s, and still nobody to keep you company.

Is it really August?

8 months old today!!!

Somewhere in the vicinity of 19 pounds and 26 inches.  Keilana's best buddy, recently the object of Dylan's tender affection, my delight.  Happy, easy-going, curious.  Daddy's biggest fan!  She hangs out with him quite a lot, and pretty happily.  And she loves the piano.  Its usually the surest bet for beating cranky boredom blues.  She's quite the little Mozart.