A Reminder

To myself.

"Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts."

~Charles Dickens

"How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world."

~Shakespeare

"Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me."

~Jill Jackson

I love these three quotes. I have used them over and over and over again. Because this is what I want to be. Its who I too often fail to be. But I keep trying. I'll get there. I hope.

Chuckaluffugus

Can I just say something ('cause it really doesn't get said often enough)? I love this guy. Yesterday was his 60th birthday and even though he's spent most of his life in California he'd never been to Disneyland. Katy wanted to take him, and Doug and I have been listening to our little girl beg to go back since the last time we went 2 1/2 years ago, so we tagged along with the Keila Bug, and had a ball. (Though, unfortunately, Katy and I both had some trouble with our brains at 5am so even though between us we had 3 cameras, we had no camera batteries, so all my photos are with my iPhone). Chuck was about the best thing that could've happened to Katy for my sake (like how that ends up being about me?:) ). I love my in laws tremendously, but their personalities and manner of functioning, both independently and in relation to one another, was so foreign to the environment I was raised in and my own personality that he was a steadying influence for me right from the start as I adjusted to my new family. He is good natured and patient, low key with a remarkably long fuse. His personality and manner of dealing with life is pretty similar to my own (hilariously and frustratingly apparent in the ways our respective spouses--who are a lot like each other--get frustrated with us and in the things they appreciate about each of us). Of course, he's much more patient and low-key than I am, and that's why I love him. He just quietly gets things done and thinks about others without much thought for his own desires most of the time. You know what I love best about him, though? This:

He is a marvelous grandpa to my kids, who adore him. They call him Grandpa Chuck, or just Papa Chuck, and they love when he dances (don't we all, really?). He teases Keilana playfully and she does it right back. He's generous with his time and affection, and I love him immensely for that.

On a related note, Keilana was so great at Disneyland yesterday. She wanted to spend her time seeing Princesses and doing the little kid rides, of course, but we didn't actually spend much time on that (it was Grandpa's birthday, after all). But she went on the Matterhorn, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, the Haunted Mansion, and the Hollywood Tower Hotel, and the only one where she really freaked out was the Hollywood Tower, and that was before the ride. During the ride, she handled it quite well. She liked all the roller coasters better than I anticipated. The only thing she didn't like about the Matterhorn was the Sasquatch! But her favorite was Soarin' Over California (I think that was Grandpa's favorite too!), followed in a close second by the Teacups :)

We upgraded all three of our tickets into SoCal annual passports, so we will take her back at some point and do the Fantasyland/Princess/Pixar thing. She earned it!!

Spoiled little me

I got lucky with this one.  I've never had a difficult baby--no colicky screamers or general grump pots.  But certainly there have been challenges.  Keilana was one of the happiest babies I've ever known.  A very in-your-face kind of happy, much like she is now.  She's always had intense, over-the-top energy and emotions.  She was rarely upset, but when she did cry, boy did she make it count--that kid could shriek and wail like Armageddon was upon us (much like she does now).  The girl never slept.  I would read all these magazines and web sites that would say newborns mostly just sleep and eat, never really fully alert for more than 20 minutes or so.  Ha.  Keilana apparently didn't get that memo.  She would nap for 15-20 minutes and then be wide awake for a couple of hours.  Then repeat.  She didn't sleep well at night, either, but we couldn't sleep train her because we lived in an apartment complex and were sure the aforementioned shrieking would make all of our neighbors hate us.  She wanted to be held all the time--not so much for affection as because she just wanted to go, to be doing something all the time.  She still needs near constant stimulation/attention to be happy.  Intense, that little girl. Delightful, but intense.

Then came Dylan.  He slept so much that for the first week or so I was convinced something must be wrong.  He didn't move constantly.  He was strangely self-contained, right from the start.  His intensity is of a different sort altogether.  His ability to focus on something--for long periods of time--is uncanny.  By his first birthday, he would already entertain himself with one activity for literally hours at a time.  He has a will of steel.  Not in the tantrum-throwing dramatics of his sister's style, mind you.  No, Dylan simply will have his way.  He's going to be a great deal of trouble I'm afraid.  As a baby he was more "into everything" than average.  Everything was endlessly fascinating to him and he could not be distracted.  He has the kind of brooding, focused intensity that is reminiscent of his father.  They are a great deal a like.  Sometimes I have no idea how to deal with either one of them.  So often I just let them deal with each other.

And now we have Kylie.  I had a traditional epidural with her (yuck!) and so when I went to bed that night in the hospital I was fairly numb.  Not wanting to have to call in a nurse to get her from the bassinet for me if she awoke, I just brought her into bed with me to sleep.  And sleep she did.  They woke us up at 3am to give her a bath (if I had been in a clearer mental state, I would've asked that nurse to leave, or just slapped her in the face), and then she nursed and went back to sleep til about 6:30.  The first night home from the hospital she slept from midnight until 7.  The next night, she was fussing and having a hard time going to sleep;  my mom took her, sent me to bed and got the baby to sleep (have I mentioned that my mom is awesome?).  She's slept through the night pretty much every night since.  Oh sure, she's been a "restless sleeper" here and there at times you'd expect (learning new skills, teething, etc.), but less than half a dozen times in her 8 months have I actually been out of bed with a fussing baby during the night.  She is content and mellow during the day.  I rarely have to hold her or carry her around, because she is happy to explore on her own or play with her brother and sister.  I sometimes forget about her momentarily because she's so quiet.  And she's SO happy.  That great, big smile is something we see a whole lot of.

When Keilana was a baby I mentioned to my mother in law how nicely it worked out that she loved to "go", because we were so transient and traveling so often.  Katy said, "Well, the Lord sends you the ones you need when you need them."  Kylie has simply been further proof of that.  If I'd gotten another Keilana this time around, with such a high demand for attention and affection and stimulation and never, ever enough sleep with Doug gone so much and all the other things I've been (or should be) doing, I probably would've gone a little bonkers.  If I'd gotten a Dylan, with the need to be so extra vigilant lest he dismantle (or worse yet, try to construct) something he ought not, I'd be worn out.  But I got the sweet, mellow baby who's just happy to be here. I love all my kids, but I sure am grateful that they came in the order that they did!

*contented sigh*

I love my husband.

I love my kids.

I'm really grateful that I got to have all of them all day today.

There just isn't enough of that around here.

I love my husband's job.

And some days, I hate myself for resenting it. . . .

but in the end, I'm always grateful he has it.

Now if I could just stop

being grumpy about the fact 

that tomorrow we have church

from 2-5 (is there a worse time for the age range of my family?)

in Porterville

and then I have to leave just after six

to go back to Porterville

to speak at a Single Adult fireside.

Can't say I'm exactly thrilled.

But I'm working on it. 

By tomorrow afternoon

I'll be ecstatic. 

Just wait and see.

First day and dual immersion thoughts

Keilana got out at 2:30.  She walked up and happily greeted me with a smile while declaring, "I didn't cry the whole time!"  True to Keilana style.  She's always been shy and afraid of new situations.  But she's always loved new situations and been a real trooper about pushing through the fear in order to find the fun.  When we got home she asked me if she could watch Spanish kids shows on Saturday.  She enjoyed recess, excitedly telling me she saw a few other kids she knew while they were outside today.  Her favorite part of the day seemed to be eating lunch in the cafeteria.  She's excited to go back tomorrow and very proud of herself for being a big, brave Kindergartener.  While I was reading to her this afternoon, she asked, "Mom, what's the Spanish word for book?"  Then, "What's the Spanish word for page?".  A few minutes later it was, "Mom, how do you say 'picture' in Spanish?"

I have mixed feelings to some degree about dual immersion programs and Becky asked some questions on my last post that were exactly my own worries about using the program.  Much of what I know is second hand from other parents, as this is my first experience with it.

I think its important to teach young children other languages.  Regardless of the specific language, learning additional languages early in life is a skill and ability too few children have the opportunity to acquire.   The "brain training" secondary languages require is useful for many things, throughout life.  Now, is a dual immersion program in school the best method for doing that?  I don't know.  Its certainly the most efficient way to make a child fluent in a second language, but how high a priority does fluency need to be at 5 or 6 years old?  Being in a community like Lindsay (more than 80% Latino, much of that population speaking primarily or only Spanish), it certainly moves it higher on the priority list than if you live in St. Ignatius, MT, but I still don't know that it needs to be a top concern.

My two primary concerns with a dual immersion program were my child feeling isolated in a community where she is already very noticeably in the minority, and falling behind in all-around academic skills as she focuses hard on trying to figure out what's going on by learning a hugely complex new skill--a second language.  Keilana has two of her friends from Church, who are also white and speak only English--a pretty big distinction from most of their peers in Lindsay--in her class at school.  The fact is, if that weren't the case (notwithstanding its many advantages), I don't know that we'd stick with the program for her.  Both Doug and myself have some pretty strong philosophical reasons why we think its important for our children to learn Spanish, but we both understand that this isn't the only way to do that and neither one of us is so stubborn that we would leave Keilana in if it got to be more of a burden than a blessing for her.  I started Kindergarten 20 years ago this week and I remember how scared I was--at a tiny school where I already knew most of my class, the school itself, the majority of the teachers and was going with my twin brother.  I can only imagine what it would be like for my shy little girl to know no one and understand nothing anyone was saying.  I think that's a bit much and I wouldn't ask that of her.

My other concern is, just starting to read and write and do math, are we going to have to play a lot of catch up since she's spending so much time focused on a foreign language?  I don't know exactly how they run this shindig, and still want some time to actually speak with the teacher.  I have been told they do 90% of the day in Spanish this year, 80% next year, 70% in second grade, etc.  I don't know how that actually breaks down in classroom time, and all the parents I know who have older kids that have gone through the program say that their children are doing just great on their English work and are scoring well during standardized testing.  I'll be anxious to get some time to actually talk to the teacher since that all sounds too goo to be true (maybe they don't do quite as much in Spanish on a daily basis as it sounds like).  What I do know is that I will continue to work with her at home (her reading is really coming along), as I have up to this point, and if it seems like dual immersion is having a negative impact on her overall academic development, we will definitely consider switching her to a regular classroom.  In the mean time, I'll keep y'all posted on how things go this year and any changing feelings.

Anyone who may be inclined to try and start a political debate here with me should probably be warned right up front that I won't engage it.  I will say that I am, on about 90% of issues, staunchly, unabashedly conservative.  I am very much of the opinion that if you choose to come to and live in America, you have a personal responsibility to learn English.  That being said, I have the good fortune of knowing many good people, who have come here legally and contributed in many positive ways to their community, who have struggled to learn English.  They are trying and they do want to and are getting there, but I see the hurdles in their path and am happy to be patient with the realities of that situation.  And, let's face it, we may as well deal with "the realities on the ground", so to speak.  I have been making a more concerted effort myself to learn better Spanish.  In where I have chosen to live, it will make me a better teacher and missionary and thus it becomes my obligation to do so.  I have found that trying to change people's behavior by telling them what to do doesn't generally work too well.  But more often than not if you put in the effort to truly reach out to people, sooner or later they'll start reaching back.

Just a taste. . .

First day of school.  Real school.  Seven hour day school.  Pretty excited before we took off this morning.  Then came the drop off.  Got to the classroom, had teacher introduce herself and start asking questions in Spanish.  Realized she understood nothing and had no idea what was going on or who anyone was.  Panic setting in.  A few tears (though, bless her heart, she agreed to be brave and started wiping them away and told me goodbye).  

Passed two of her friends on our way out who are also in her class, and who also speak only English.  Gave me hope--let me choke back my own tears (no, mine never surfaced).  Let you know how it went, and will post more photos, after I pick her up this afternoon.  Could be a long year (or two).  Pray for us.   Especially Keila bug.

Rock concerts and bad dancing

So Thursday night Doug comes home at about 9:30 after going out with the missionaries and says, "You wanna go to a concert tomorrow night?"  So I ask who's playing and he say's, "Bob Dylan.  And Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp."

How can I not?

Wonderful to be without all three of our kids twice in one month.  The last time we were completely kid-free twice in the same month was more than two years ago.  Savor those moments.  Feel like husband and wife for a little while, not just mom and dad.  Sweethearts.  Oh yeah, look at that handsome, hilarious guy over there that I married.  Mmmmmm. . . .

I digress. 

Quick concert review:

Willie: stage cluttered.  Willie and band in jeans and tshirts (sleeveless, in the case of Mr. Nelson, of course).  Crowd wandering around Chukchansi Park almost too casually.  Felt like an afternoon jam session with a few thousand good friends.  Very low-key and delightful.

Mellencamp: Generic sounding rock songs sung by generic rock start, but with a really preachy socialist twist.  Fist pumping and camping for the crowd and lots of dramatic movement so that you know every second he is PLAYING.  THE.  GUITAR.   Not the worst time I've ever had, but 90 minutes of my life I wouldn't mind having back.

Dylan: everything you'd expect.  Great "show".  Dylan and band all in suits.  Dylan distinguishable by ridiculously awesome big white hat. (Plus, he's the one usually behind the keyboard, anyway).  Lots of new stuff, and a few old songs reworked so thoroughly that most of the crowd didn't recognize them til the chorus.  Obviously works to retain that Dylan mystique and was, of course, unintelligible for half the show.  Awesome.

Well worth the ticket price.  Fortunately, we didn't have to pay the ticket price.

You know what I love about concerts, though?  No where else do you get such a large collection of people who can't dance, but keep trying anyway, either unaware of how stupid they look or simply apathetic about it because it just feels so good to dance.  I was looking around and I couldn't help but smile--not in a derisively amused way, but in a joyful, appreciative way.  I was thinking to myself:

Go on and fly, half buzzed college guys doing "the airplane" on the grass.

Skip roll your way to ecstasy, super hairy overweight guy in oversized khaki shorts and bowling shirt.

Hop off beat til you can't hop any more, chick in micro mini and cowboy boots (who obviously isn't wearing an appropriate bra for hopping).

And middle-aged woman in peasant blouse and khaki capris, you go on and do that myoclonic twitch thing that seems to make you so happy.

As long as its a good crowd, I love concerts--the music, the atmosphere, the whole package.  It'd been a while since we'd been, and I almost forgot how much I loved it.

Never at any point, however, did I forget how much I hate the smell of weed.