After I put the kids to bed, I spent the rest of the evening working in our backyard (such as it is) and tiny gardens. I saw something I had not yet seen in this yard: hope, in the form of tiny green blades. There are tufts of soft green grass here and there, and still-short-but-healthy-looking tulip leaves poking up. There are other plants popping up here and there that are so small I have not yet identified them.
When we moved in last September, the backyard was a mess of tall, yellow grass, overgrown roses that had taken over virtually the entire yard, weeds that were knee high, and almost no healthy grass or plants of any kind. I spent hours pulling weeds and digging out net-rooted rose bushes, raking what were once gardens, trying to unbury the soil from layers and layers of matted leaves and weeds. I didn't think it likely that it was worth the time, but I am, by both nature and training, incapable of leaving such places entirely unworked if I have the ability to do anything about it. Its not going to be Eden this summer, but if I can find a truck to borrow for a day to get rid of clippings and pulled weeds and all the junk the previous tenants left behind, it might be a decent place to BBQ, at least. Six months ago, I wouldn't have thought even that was possible.
I'm feeling pretty hopeful about most things in life, though. In fact, I feel the most hopeful and confident than I have in a long, long time. There are so many things I want to do and learn, and not in a general it-would-be-nice-to-do-this sort of way, but in a I have-a-plan-and-the-tools-and-I'm-gonna-kick-this-in-the-butt kind of way. It will have to be done at a reasonable pace (I'm going back to school this fall--application and transcripts in, financial aid arranged, academic advisor talked to, just need to register for classes and figure out scheduling/childcare logistics), but I've never been more confident in my capabilities and focus, in the support system around me, or had a clearer vision in my mind of where I want to go and what I want to do. Winter is melting away, there are good things on the horizon.
When we moved in last September, the backyard was a mess of tall, yellow grass, overgrown roses that had taken over virtually the entire yard, weeds that were knee high, and almost no healthy grass or plants of any kind. I spent hours pulling weeds and digging out net-rooted rose bushes, raking what were once gardens, trying to unbury the soil from layers and layers of matted leaves and weeds. I didn't think it likely that it was worth the time, but I am, by both nature and training, incapable of leaving such places entirely unworked if I have the ability to do anything about it. Its not going to be Eden this summer, but if I can find a truck to borrow for a day to get rid of clippings and pulled weeds and all the junk the previous tenants left behind, it might be a decent place to BBQ, at least. Six months ago, I wouldn't have thought even that was possible.
I'm feeling pretty hopeful about most things in life, though. In fact, I feel the most hopeful and confident than I have in a long, long time. There are so many things I want to do and learn, and not in a general it-would-be-nice-to-do-this sort of way, but in a I have-a-plan-and-the-tools-and-I'm-gonna-kick-this-in-the-butt kind of way. It will have to be done at a reasonable pace (I'm going back to school this fall--application and transcripts in, financial aid arranged, academic advisor talked to, just need to register for classes and figure out scheduling/childcare logistics), but I've never been more confident in my capabilities and focus, in the support system around me, or had a clearer vision in my mind of where I want to go and what I want to do. Winter is melting away, there are good things on the horizon.
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