Happy Easter!

Yes I know that Easter is still a week and a half away, but we are leaving on our two week (!) excursion to Death Valley-SLC-Bozeman-Mission early early Wednesday morning, and I doubt I'll do any posting again until we get home.  So I hope ya'll have a great holiday, and here's an Easter thought for you from President Hinkley:

"There would be no Christmas if there had not been Easter.  The baby Jesus of Bethlehem would be but another baby without the redeeming Christ of Gesthemane and Calvary, and the triumphant fact of the Resurrection.

"I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Eternal, Living God.  None so great has ever walked the earth.  None other has made a comparable sacrifice or granted a comparable blessing. He is the Savior and the Redeemer of the world.  I believe in Him.  I declare His divinity without equivocation or compromise. I love Him. I speak His name in reverence and wonder. I worship Him as I worship His Father, in spirit and truth.  I thank Him and kneel before His Beloved Son who reached out long ago and said to each of us, 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.' "

Loves to All

Becky

Hope

I read too much news.  More accurately, probably, I read too much commentary on the news--columns, blogs, ezines, journals, etc.  The course the country and world have taken recently have frequently given me pause and made me frustrated, sad, or even angry.  Something I always said I believed is that the Second Coming may well happen in my lifetime.  While I'll be perfectly happy if that's not the case, I have come to believe that's possible in a more real way than I ever have before.  Maybe things aren't any worse--maybe I'm just paying more attention.  He says He will come swiftly, leading me to believe that the downward spiral will only speed up remarkably quickly.  He says He comes as a thief in the night, leading me to believe that He will be here when perhaps we least expect it. 

Doug has made mention many times in the last few years of the fact that he's ready.  OK, well, not completely, because he doesn't feel like he's prepared to stand worthily before the Lord, but ready to sort this mess out.  Ready to end the dissension and contention which tears at this world.  Ready for battle.  Being female, being maternal, even though I know what he really means, I always cringe.  While I have great hope in the promises and glories of the Millenium, all I can think of is my babies. "Wouldn't you love to raise your kids in a world without opposition?" he asks.  Of course.  But I can't stand the thought of raising them in everything that comes just before that.  I don't want to see them go hungry, ever.  I don't want to see them hurt or marched off to battle.  Every time I see flashes of news from Sudan, Iran, Israel,  etc, all I can think about is all those children.  Somewhere in the middle of those horrible, terrifying messes are millions of children.  Millions of mothers trying to bring comfort, trying to maintain some sense of normalcy in a world that has gone completely insane.  I don't want to be that mother.  I don't want those children to be my children.  I get insanely frustrated in feeling like there's so little I can do to help the children already in those messes--the last thing I want is my kids to be in such a mess.

I look at our leaders.  I don't trust hardly any of them, on any end of the political spectrum.  I see multiple evidences of attempts to encroach on our ability to live and preach our faith, and it makes me nervous.  But then I get a little perspective.

I stop and think about what the Lord has declared to His prophet:

". . .the standard of truth has been erected; No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs my combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly and independent, til it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, til the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done."  

I've gotten off track the last several months.  I had cause to think about a post I wrote a year ago (you can read it here), that reminded me why I felt the need to start my blog to begin with.  That reminded me what I'm working for.  That reminded me that I need to get myself back on track.  Hopefully that means getting my blog back on track, too.  Its been a little scattered, self-indulgent and odd in recent months, but here goes.  Back to the nitty gritty.

Because, despite the trials that come our way in life and all the ugly things happening in the world, there is still much reason for hope.  For joy.

On children and cuteness

I think I have the most adorable children in the entire God-blessed world, with no exception (OK, maybe one possible exception being my nephew Iyezk--he's just a little too beautiful).  Does this mean I think my kids are cuter than your kids?  I sure do.  Now, before you react the way any sane parent would--with disbelief, horror and offense--stop and think for a minute why that upsets you.  Because you think your kids are cuter than mine.  Or at the very least, as cute.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think your kids are cute. I adore children.  All those comments I've left on your photos and blogs about how adorable your children are?  I meant every one of them.  Your kids are completely scrumptious.  Its just that since my kids are my kids, I will never think any kid is as cute as mine.  I know my kids don't look like models and the genetic odds are that they never will.  Still, I've never seen a child as beautiful as my own.  I not only assume, but deeply hope, that you think that your children are even cuter than mine.  I hope you think mine are cute, but I hope that no child looks half as cute to you as yours does.  Because, you see, the truth is that most of us, and most of our kids, are pretty average.  Nevertheless, I firmly believe that each child deserves to have someone in their life who thinks they are the most adorable, wonderful creature in the world (or, in our case, one of the three most).  Every kid needs that--just ask any kid who didn't/doesn't have it.

So when you look at pictures of my kids, I hope that you ooh and ahh and giggle just as I do when I see the new pictures you post of your kids.  But I hope you always see the most beautiful face in the world when you look at your child.

In that vein, when I make a comment about one of my children being strong or smart or what have you, I mean no boastfulness. I see these things as rather benign descriptions, with no inherent virtue in them.  How they are used can be a virtue, certainly (or a vice, just as certainly, and perhaps more often), but my kids are too young to have harnessed these qualities and effectively use them in a consciously positive manner.  And for the most part I don't think it really says anything about me.  My level of intelligence, strength, creativity, imaginativeness, etc., is not dependent on my child's abilities (lets face it--they're not increasing any!).  I love my children.  Whether they have an IQ of 150 or are struggling to learn to read in 5th grade, I will love them and think them wonderful all the same.  

What I think will reflect upon me as a parent is how well behaved my children generally are.  How well they know the stories of the scriptures, how well they understand the Gospel; the way that they treat each other and others.  I want them to be full of joy their whole lives, and know these are the things that are the keys to joyfulness.  If I can teach them good values and proper priorities, then I might brag (though I hope I won't).  But for now, I share facts as I see them (if you think they're colored a bit, feel free to tell me so), but I'm just trying to figure out who they are and what challenges I'm going to need to be prepared for in teaching them those things.  I love their fantastic personalities, and am humbled by their strengths and doing my best to help them with their weaknesses.

Motate, baby

Ok, so my Kylie bear is almost 3 1/2 months old.  She still only rolls over from her tummy to her back if she's laying on an incline (pillow, hill, etc), usually on accident.  But she's getting quite good at rolling over from her back onto her tummy.  Which is supposed to be harder.  But you see, Kylie will be just like her Mommy and Daddy--she'll have no trouble accomplishing something, so long as its what she wants to do.  She has no desire to get over to her back.  Being on her back is boring.  So, anyway, I put her on the floor whilst accomplishing some chores today, and here's what she accomplished:

She started out in the middle of the blanket (which was spread out flat) on her back, looking toward that chair you can just see the leg of in the right corner of the photo.  She can go forward a little, too, but has found inching backwards to be much faster and easier.
She was pretty doggoned pleased with herself.  Despite the fact that she woke up this morning at 3am and wanted to chat.  That would've been fine, except she'd get really mad if I didn't talk back to her, and she wouldn't go back to sleep.  So at a little after 5, I finally strapped on the Snugli and walked around the house until she fell asleep.  But then it was so nice and quiet in the house with no one bothering me that I stayed up another half an hour in order to get some laundry folded.  It took me a while to get back to sleep when I got to bed, but when I got up a little after 7 to get ready to take Keilana to school Doug said, "Don't worry about it, honey, I'll take her."  Oh, bless him.  I was able to sleep for another 45 minutes and take a shower before Kylie woke up.  

Dylan's in rough shape today.  Keilana stayed home from church on Sunday and school on Monday due to a nasty, horrible cold (sore throat, deep yucky cough, runny/stuffy nose, you know the drill).  She probably should've stayed home these last two days, too, for the sake of the other kids but she really wanted to go and I apparently lack compassion for the other mothers who will likely have to deal with sick kids because of her.  Today Dylan has such a high fever that he's got chills, but I have been having trouble convincing him that taking Motrin would be a good idea.  Plus, we haven't been shopping in a while, because we're trying to get rid of the majority of our food before we leave for 2 weeks, so I really don't have anything to bribe him with.  Poor little guy is miserable.

But Kylie's sleeping now.

Would it be tacky

to wear ankle braces with heels?  'Cause then maybe I could wear all the sexy shoes I love so much but avoid for safety sake.  Just saying.

For a night out to someplace I can't afford

Blackfantasy - by RebeccaSusan on Polyvore.com

Here's why its only make believe.  Like I could EVER wear that dress. I LOVE the idea of it, but even if I was nice and thin, I'm pretty sure it'd look awful on me.  And those shoes--such sexy shoes.  But wearing regular heels (let alone ones this totally awesome) makes my ankles hurt horribly after about 5 minutes--assuming I haven't rolled them yet by then.  Which is more likely than you'd think. I hate my floppy ankles.

How'd we wind up here?

My life is pretty darned good.  There are rough days here and there, but even those are generally pretty mild and usually have something to do with wanting to ring a neck belonging to my husband or one of my children.

There are only two things that really drive me crazy consistently: my weight and our debt.  I keep having days where I get down about one or both of these things and think to myself "How'd we get into this mess?"

So to get it out of my system, I'll write it down.  Usually once I get it out, its easier for me to let something go, so here goes.  First, the weight.

I blame Dylan.  The summer I got married, I gained about 10 pounds.  Lots of indulgence, very little exercise.  It happens.  This was fine with me, since I was still about a size 9, which with my build isn't all that bad.  I got pregnant shortly thereafter, and maintained a fairly healthy weight gain during my pregnancy (this was difficult in Hawaii, where pretty much all the healthy food there is shipped in from off island--almost all produce--and we were quite poor at that point, by American standards).  I gained just shy of 40 pounds, with just over 8 pounds being baby.  I lost 25 pounds having the baby, and then the other 15 just sat there for 6 months.  Between 6-8 months post partum, I lost the remaining weight and was back to the size/weight I was before I got pregnant with Keilana.  I was feeling good.  

A few months later, I was pregnant with Dylan.  For the first six months or so of that pregnancy, I gained very little weight--it was all baby.  Then, over Thanksgiving break, I felt the baby do this massive shift (he finally turned upside down) and for the remainder of the pregnancy he was sitting on my sciatic nerve. Doing anything hurt tremendously. Doing nothing hurt.  Needless to say, my activity level (which to this point had been quite high--daily walks up and down the SLO hills, daily walks to the park with Keilana) nose-dived.  At the same time, my sweet husband kept trying to comfort me by bringing home ice cream.  And cookies.  And chocolate.  And not wanting me to have to make dinner every night, frequently brought home dinner.  From Carl's Jr. Or Taco Bell. Or McDonald's.  Or Panda Express.  With that pregnancy, I gained 50 pounds.  Barely more than 8 pounds was baby.  

That would've even been tolerable.  But (big confession) after Dylan was born I struggled mightily with Post partum depression for 9 or 10 months.  My motivation to do anything was almost nonexistent.  I was living miles from town with no car in a tiny, way too hot house, which didn't help.  My interest in healthy eating was nonexistent.  I actually gained weight after he was born.  

Anyway, I snapped back to my old self long about Novemberish, but by then I had a LONG way to go, weight wise.  I lost some of it, but not nearly as much as I would've liked, then just plateau.  Sarah and her kids moved in with us, and between the stress of having 7 people living in our house and Sarah's delicious cooking and baking, my weight didn't ever go down much.  Things just kept getting busier and busier, and so I never developed a routine, which is necessary for my discipline-challenged self in order to lose weight.  Then I got pregnant with Kylie.  When they weighed me on the way to the delivery room, I was 26 pounds heavier than when I got pregnant.  Not bad for a 9.5lb+ baby.  Within 2 weeks, I was at my prepregnancy weight (though not size yet--my belly still had some retracting/tightening up to do).  I'm now slightly lighter than when I got pregnant.  But I still have 20 pounds to go, so please, ask me how I'm doing, mock me, put rude comments on pictures I post of myself.  I need the motivation.

The debt.  Oh the debt.  So we've got a $200,000+ mortgage.  Necessary evil for a great blessing.  I can deal with that.  We've got til the end of the year left on our very sensible car that we bought because our car broke down and it would've cost more to fix it than we owed on it. I can live with that.  $50,000 to Wells Fargo for 2 1/2 degrees and 2 beautiful years in SLO. I can deal with that.  But the other debt. Yes, there is other.  That's the debt that always makes me go, "How?  How did this happen?"  And then I remember.  In twelve months time, we had to buy a new refrigerator and washer and dryer.  And a house.  And take in a family. And pay for two root canals/crowns on infected teeth.  And end up with our son taking a trip to an out of town ER and spending 5 days in the hospital down south.  And had to go to three out of state weddings, none of which we could bear to miss.  And AFTER all of that, Doug got his change of position/raise.  We did all that making tens of thousands of dollars less than we do now.  That's how that happened.  But we are making progress.  One of the biggest bills should be paid off by April/May.  Then there's just a bit left and hopefully by the end of next year, we will have lots of available credit again and be able to buy a bigger car without breaking our budget.  

Its been frustrating, but the Lord has taken care of us.  We've never missed a car payment, a mortgage payment or anything like that.  We've always had plenty to eat and money to buy diapers.  And we've been able to have a little fun here and there with very little cost to us.  Lets hope He got all the big stuff out of the way for a while.  Wish us luck!