Highs and Lows

Lately I feel like I've got the stability of a drug addict.  I had such a fantastic morning--best Sacrament meeting I've been to in quite a while.  The talks were on tithing, a principle I really never struggle with at all, and yet I was able to actually focus and prevent my mind from wandering.   I didn't have to fight with the kids at all, even though we were sitting right behind the Meiks and next to the Ashcrafts, so there were all kinds of other kids there to distract them into noisy nuisances.  Instead, they were quietly hilarious.  I felt so relaxed and at ease, and it was so easy to just sit there and feel like, "This is what its all about."  The other Meik family did a musical number.  Nathan and Faith both sing beautifully, and their older kids (7&9) sang quite well, also.  It was hard not to smile hearing the words to "O My Father" while watching their 2 year old and 1 year old pull at their hair/ears/jewelry/etc and their 3 year old mouth the words with intense earnestness.   Then, when Tim stopped about 3/4 of the way through his talk to let his 4 year old, James, sing "I Am a Child of God" with him, I simply thought the day couldn't get any better.

The rest of the morning went that way, really.  Everything just seemed to fit, to flow as it should and I found myself more in love with my children (and, for that matter, everyone else's children).   I felt like maybe I'm ready for Thanksgiving, after all.   Finally feeling truly grateful for what is, really, an incredibly wonderful life.  

After church I got a few bits of rather deflating news.  None of it was truly surprising in any way, none of it truly "new" I guess.  But all of it still difficult for me to grasp.   Thus, my crash started.  It was a slow descent--it began with cynical, sarcastic humor that was far too flippant and rude for anyone's good.  It went from there to frustrated rehashing, and then by the end of the evening, I bottomed out--feeling depressed and biting back tears.  

I felt like I got my morning fix, but then lost it with no stash in the house to quickly pick me back up.   Then I woke up this morning to a cheerful husband and two delightfully perky and non-demanding kids who snuggled up to me under our warm covers, fighting off the cold morning air.  We all said a prayer together before Daddy had to drive to Fresno to take a 4-hour test and I remembered again, "This is what it's all about."  And it is a truly wonderful life.