True Friends

We all value highly the friends we can count on. The best friends are those who love you patiently, with all your faults, and make you want to be better. We all need people with whom we can speak freely and not feel judged, not feel the need to justify or excuse ourselves, trusting that the person to whom we speak will understand. We need friends in our lives who can wipe away the dust of our imperfections and see the good beneath.

I absolutely despise when people pull out the "If you were a true friend, you wouldn't judge me" line, though. There are certainly times when that applies--times when people in our lives are overly critical or impatient. But there are also times in our lives when we need someone to hold us accountable. A friend of mine in high school was very fond of the Oscar Wilde line, "A true friend stabs you in the front." Very true words. It is often our kindest, most trusted friends who are the only ones willing and able to do this for us--to say what hurts, not because it hurts but because not saying it will hurt much, much more. There are times when our actions, attitudes or behaviors can be destructive--both to ourselves and to many others in our lives by the nature of our relationships with them. Most people, even if they see such behavior, will turn a blind eye, or say something to others, but will not try to talk to us directly. The friends who loves us the most will have the courage to say, "If you keep heading down this road, you're in for a world of hurt--and a lot of people around you are, too."

Truest friends will support us in all things that make us better, and help lift us up where we are lacking. But if someone is the best kind of friend, they will not sit idly by while we do things or behave in ways that are not right. They may be a listening ear, they may well be the one who is still there to pick up the pieces if we don't heed their advice, but they will not tell us something we're doing is OK if its not OK.

Don't get me wrong. As many of those closest to me are frustratingly aware, I don't think there is ever an appropriate time to launch an angry attack. I don't think its ever OK to scream at someone "because that's the only way to get through" to them. I have given in to my temper on a few occasions, but I don't think screaming or angry accusations or insults are ever right. But if someone tries to talk to you--if they express their love for you and say that they are trying to help, and sound sincere--listen to what they say. Thoughtfully, sincerely consider it. True friends don't refrain from judging us--true friend know our faults and love us anyway, but they try to help us be better than we are. They realize their own faults and hope that we will help them become better, too. Love isn't consistently putting up with the status quo and patiently trying to ignore backtracking--its kindly, patiently and generously pushing each other to be the best version of ourselves.