Wednesday, April 3, 2013


I honestly believe that one of the worst feelings in the world is when someone angrily calls you on your own bad behavior and they're right.  That moment when you've realized that you screwed up and you can't undo it is such a heavy, miserable feeling.  The spiritual equivalent of seeing flashing lights in your rear view mirror when you know you've been speeding.

One of the most popular phrases in the world is "It's not fair".  Often, this phrase is spoken by children and teenagers, and adults are famous for responding, "Life's not fair".  When I was a child, I was as guilty as anyone of resenting that response, but as an adult, more and more all the time, when I hear the phrase, "Life's not fair", my internal response is, "And thank God for that".

No one needs to hear a list of my sins, least of all me, but they are there and plentiful.  Most of the people in my life are kind and forgiving enough that my bad behavior comes to my attention only on the schedule I impose upon myself.  But every once in awhile, someone, either out of love and concern or out of hurt and frustration, points out a glaring blind spot.  As painful as that can be, in the long run I always find myself feeling quite grateful toward those souls.  Because once I am aware of it and honest about it, I can apologize sincerely, ask for forgiveness, and then place that burden--the burden of carrying what I cannot undo--on the Savior.  If someone doesn't forgive me, it makes me sad and it eats at me, because I hate for anyone to feel anger or hurt because of my actions, but I don't hold that refusal to forgive against them, and it doesn't paralyze me.  I can rely on the Savior to bear the brunt of that, for which I am very grateful.

Life is indeed unfair.  Someone else steps in to carry the burden I justly deserve.  That means more to me with every passing year.  The hope and peace I find in that thought makes me a better person, a better mother and wife and friend, and makes me grateful that there are so many people in my life that exhibit that type of Christlike mercy in their own lives.  I am quite certain that I am forgiven more often than I even realize that I'm wrong.

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