Thursday, April 25, 2013

Ups and downs

This little lady is 2.  Can you believe that?  This photo was taken almost exactly 2 years ago.  Tonight, when I put my little girls to bed and asked what song they wanted me to sing, she excitedly answered, "Teach me light!"  I've never had a baby turn 2 and not already had another baby or been pregnant.  Doug and I got married 3 weeks after my 19th birthday, I was pregnant a month and a half later, and haven't yet gone a full, consecutive 12 months not pregnant or nursing.  The longest gap between pregnancies was exactly 24 months, and 15 of those months I was breastfeeding.  Part of me is quite heartsick that there are no immediate plans for another baby--I love anticipating a newborn and snuggling with a baby, and watching those first crawls and steps--but the part of me that knows that of the 117 months I've been married, I've been gestating or nursing a baby for 85 of them, is a little relieved.  Essentially my entire adult life, I've been sharing my body with other people (with all the attendant, constant hormonal fluctuations), so I'm kind of glad to finally be hitting a point where I feel like I'm in control of my own body again.  

But then, I see this picture and. . . .heart flutters.  

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